Tara Lynn: Speaking and listening to your child's love language
The language of love. It can be so complicated.
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The language of love. It can be so complicated.
Counselor and author, Dr. Gary Chapman, is known for his series of books on “The 5 Love Languages.” He is also a graduate of Wake Forest University.
If you aren’t familiar with the languages of love, Chapman boils it down to five types: acts of service, quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch and giving gifts.
When people talk about understanding love languages, it’s usually in reference to marriage. My husband and I have participated in several Bible studies on the topic and it can be so helpful to improve communication. But how often do we think about how our children give, show and receive love?
I remember a close relative years ago telling me that he never heard his father say “I love you,” to him. It absolutely broke my heart. It made me analyze how I grew up and how we are raising our children. Could they feel our love if we never said “I love you?” If we said “I love you” all the time, but never backed it up by actions, would those words still have meaning?
This analysis has helped me try to show my children that I love them in various ways. I do make sure to often say “Hey, guess what? I love you!” at random times. I try to spend quality time with them, surprise them with small gifts, snuggle them on the couch (my favorite), praise their efforts, and find ways to do things for them (making sure that Chromebook is charged, they have clean clothes and the things they like to snack on). Sometimes those things are big, sometimes they are small.
I love to show love to and receive love from my kids by snuggling and hugging. Sometimes, they are not in the mood. They may want to spend time doing crafts instead. Just because I prefer to show my love in a certain way doesn’t mean the kids will receive the message. I have to be able to speak their love language and recognize the way they show us love in return.
They may clean up their room or draw you a picture to show you they love you. That doesn’t necessarily mean they receive love the same way. Sometimes we speak in one language and listen in another language. Our kids are the same way.
Do you know how you like to show your love? Do your kids receive it? Or do they speak a different love language? One way to find out is to ask them these questions:
- Do you think your family loves you?
- How do you know they love you?
- How do they make you feel special?
- What is your favorite thing to do with your family?
- When do you feel the most loved?
It’s a great conversation starter and a way to help you and your children show and receive love easier.
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