Kryptonite for bullies

Like kryptonite is to Superman, peer support is to bullies. It minimizes their power!

Posted 10:00 a.m. Sep 27, 2022 — Updated 10:00 a.m. Sep 27, 2022

Gale McKoy Wilkins

, WRAL contributor

RALEIGH, N.C. — I had an older sister, Marion, and she was brave, always. I don’t recall her being afraid of anything. Her bravery led her to the military, and she traveled the world. On the other hand, I was fearful of everything. As a child, my mom told me I was afraid of sounds, dolls, separation from family, the dark, and strangers, to name a few! Growing up, I was often bullied, and Marion would rescue me. She would encourage me to find a way to empower myself against others and defend myself.

Importance of Peer Groups

Peer-to-peer support is a protective barrier, a safe haven that can destroy bullying! Like kryptonite is to Superman, peer support is to bullies. It minimizes their power! Peer-to-peer engagement that’s positive is helpful to bullies and their victims. STOMP Out Bullying states that kids often bully others because they lack the desired attention they want, they have been or are being bullied themselves, or they learn their aggressive behavior from watching an adult role model. Bullies need positive peer groups! They need attention! Bullying is a learned behavior that can be unlearned.

Bullies want attention by any means necessary. All youth need to be accepted so they will modify their behavior to increase their chances of belonging and relatedness. They are willing to jeopardize their sense of values to fit in with the desirable social group. As parents, teachers, counselors, family members, and role models, we must establish safe environments to cultivate positive peer groups. And doing so, we can develop safety measures against anxiety and depression. Positive peer groups affect students through feelings of competency, empathy, moral reasoning, and self-efficacy; grades and academic achievement; pro-social behavior and attitudes; and intrapersonal communication and conflict resolution skills.

Solutions

Research shows that adolescents need to contribute to society, teens want to be significant, and they want a voice to say what is crucial for them to invest their time and energy. Ways to help youth establish positive peer groups and peer support programs will vary, but they are necessary! They teach young people to support other students effectively and increase social and emotional well-being while decreasing anti-social behavior.

The benefits of peer-to-peer support and learning have long been recognized and are especially relevant today. Evidence suggests that solution-focused approaches are effective in relation to enhancing parenting skills, dealing with anxiety, stress, suicide prevention and depression. One way for parents to support their youth is through family and youth life coaching. Life Coaching is a solution-focused approach to building positive and resilient youth.

Research indicates that coaching effectively improves behavioral and health outcomes in various family frameworks. Coaching techniques help parents to know their youth better. It is an effective intervention for enhancing self-regulatory skills – the ability to manage one’s emotions and behaviors – that truly enhances their quality of life.

Research indicates that life coaching may positively impact courage, reduce fear and anxiety and consequently be a successful intervention for people whose personal growth and development have been limited.

As parents, teachers, counselors, the community, and other adults, we should create a setting to support positive peer groups within our youth. Following are a few tips from stopbullying.gov, and for more information on teaching youth life coaching skills, please visit project-arrow.com.

Treat everyone with respect

Stop and think before you say or do something that could hurt someone.
If you feel like being mean to someone, find something else to do. Play a game, watch TV, or talk to a friend.
Talk to an adult you trust. They can help you find ways to be nicer to others.
Keep in mind that everyone is different. Not better or worse. Just different.
If you think you have bullied someone in the past, apologize. Everyone feels better.

Questions to ask your teen

Who are your best friends, and why?
What positive peer groups are in your school?
If you were the bravest version of yourself, what would you do?
What are your plans to assist in ending bullying in your school?

Gale is passionate about using life coaching and creative solutions to empower families and teens to help themselves and others. Gale is a Life Coach to parents and teens, and she teaches them coaching skills and techniques and trains teens on how to make good decisions, manage emotions, overcome obstacles, and motivate themselves and others to be their best. Gale is a North Carolina native that has worked with youth and families and served the triangle in various leadership positions; she has a graduate certificate in Family Life Coaching and a Master of Arts degree in Women's Leadership from North Carolina State University.

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