Is your child overly anxious? Here's some expert advice

“It’s normal for a toddler to experience separation anxiety or for a preschooler to be afraid of the dark, for example,” O’Rourke said. “At a later age, it’s developmentally appropriate for school-aged children to get anxious about things they hear about in the media such as hurricanes or shootings, or crimes such as kidnapping or robberies. In the teen years, worrying about grades, college, or ‘fitting in’ are all common concerns. It’s when anxiety persists or starts impacting a child’s every day life that approaching the issue becomes important.”

It’s important to note that parents may not always know their kids are anxious because it’s not that often a child can perfectly verbalize what they’re feeling. Anxiety may rear its ugly head in different ways depending on the child. Some kids, for example, may complain of stomach aches or headaches. Others may act out, get overly frustrated by little things or just shut down.

“While it’s completely expected for a child to have some anxiety the first week of school, if they’re still feeling really anxious a month or two into the school year – it may be time to address their anxiety with some additional support,” O’Rourke said.

A few other signs that your child may need some help include:

If these describe your child, O’Rourke recommends first talking to your pediatrician for guidance and advice. They’ve seen so many children that they are often a great first line of support to help determine whether your child’s anxiety is approaching an unhealthy level.

Either way, the good news is there are a lot of things parents can do to help kids manage these big emotions. Dr. O’Rourke recommends a few fairly simple things you can do to try and get a handle on anxiety at home.

Track when your child’s behavior seems anxious, out of character or concerning. This can help you look for patterns to see if there are any common triggers that could be addressed.

Ask them questions about how they’re feeling when they seem anxious. Oftentimes, just hearing their concerns and reassuring them can reduce their anxieties.

As parents, it can be difficult to see your child struggle with anxiety. But often, letting them work through it on their own is the healthiest way for them to overcome these emotions. For example, if your child struggles with social interactions, encourage them to order their own food at a restaurant or approach their teacher for help with schoolwork rather than stepping in to do these tasks on their behalf.

Normalizing anxiety is important for children, so let them know what you worry about and how you cope with your own fears. If you’ve got a big meeting coming up at work that you’re stressed about – talk to them about it so they can see you work through your own stresses in a healthy way.

If your child is anxious about a certain situation, but overcomes their fears, let them know you noticed their bravery – even if it’s just a small thing. Everyone likes praise and it may be just enough to get them to try something even more significant or challenging next time.

Remind your child that they don’t have to be perfect. For example, if a child has a big project to work on at school, parents can focus on and praise the effort, persistence, creativity, thoughtfulness and/or teamwork that the child put into the project, rather than the final grade they received. Or, if a shy child works up the courage to invite a friend over for a sleepover, parents can praise the bravery their child showed in making the invitation, rather than focusing on whether the other child accepts the invitation or not.

For parents who want additional support, seeing a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with children may help, too.

The most common first-line of treatment for children with anxiety is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT, said O’Rourke. While CBT may sound clinical and overwhelming, it’s actually a fairly basic and common-sense approach to helping kids overcome their anxiety. The great news is that it’s a short-term treatment that normally takes just three to four months of working with a therapist.

The three foundational elements of CBT are:

Therapists will often work with children on ways to help them make their bodies feel more calm when they’re feeling anxious. Things like breathing techniques, tensing and relaxing different parts of the body can help kids learn to soothe themselves through an anxious time.

Intentionally practicing a child’s most feared situations in a conscious, controlled environment is a very effective method for helping kids with specific anxieties. If a child is anxious in social situations, it’s important not to avoid them – but instead to seek them out for practice.

CBT also can provide valuable support to parents in coaching their children through feared situations. When appropriate, this therapy can be used in combination with a medication, such as a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor.

While some instances of childhood anxiety will work themselves out, addressing serious childhood anxiety at an early age is recommended.

“Anxiety disorders are the most common mental health concern in this country for people of all ages,” O’Rourke said. “If left unaddressed, childhood anxiety can persist or lead to other problems as kids grow into adulthood. Because anxiety is so closely linked with depression, getting it under control at a young age may help prevent future mental health problems.”