Inconceivable: Valley of the pregnant women

When you are trying to get pregnant, it seems that everywhere you turn there is another pregnant woman or someone with a baby. It is like the universe is reminding you that you aren’t pregnant, but you desperately want to be.

The most reassuring thing about being at a fertility specialist is that everyone there is in the same boat. I’ll never forget my two miscarriages and having to wait in my OBGYN’s office amid what seemed like every pregnant woman in Raleigh.

I just remember growing up and being warned about how easy it is to get pregnant. Maybe it is for some people, but there are a lot of us out there who are struggling – many in silence.

And social media helps make it worse. When you are trying, everyone else you know will end up pregnant and announce it on Facebook.

Now, don’t get me wrong – I’m happy for others. But their happiness has sometimes caused me pain because it reminds me of our struggles to conceive a second child. It has been two years of negative tests, miscarriages, medications, blood tests and heartbreak.

After our first loss, I thought I’d never get over it. I thought I’d never survive a second miscarriage, and then it happened. I’m still standing.

I don’t think at any point you get over the fertility struggles. You just learn to live with them. You learn to accept that the path to your family won’t look the same as someone else’s.

But that doesn’t mean that a baby shower invite or belly bump won’t be a trigger for me. Sometimes I have to be polite, say congrats and get out of the situation as fast as possible. It is all about survival.

How have you coped with fertility problems? Did you try therapy, meditation, prayer? What worked and what didn’t? How did you handle pregnant friends and family? ​