Connect in small moments to help teens through troubling times

I sat down with Michelle Chachkes, a clinical social worker who specializes in working with teens and adults on managing stress and anxiety, to ask for ideas.

Posted 12:00 p.m. May 27, 2022 — Updated 12:00 p.m. May 27, 2022

Sloane Heffernan

, WRAL contributor

Being a teenager has always been hard, but the struggle for teenagers is even more difficult today. Teen anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts are at an all time high, according to mental health professionals .

What can we do to help our teens during times of trouble? What are some strategies that we can use to help guide them through these uncertain times?

I sat down with Michelle Chachkes, a clinical social worker who specializes in working with teens and adults on managing stress and anxiety, to ask for ideas. Chachkes works with clients to develop self awareness strategies like mindfulness techniques and communication tools to support relationships, change thoughts and improve behaviors.

Sloane: “It’s been said that there is a “Mental Health Emergency” for teens. Would you agree?

Michelle: Yes there is a mental health emergency in this country. As recently as in 2019, it was reported there was a 60% increase in teen depression, anxiety and suicide ideations (ideas about suicide). In December 2021, in a rare public advisory the U.S. Surgeon General warned of a “devastating” mental health crisis among adolescents.

Sloane: Teen years can be difficult. What makes modern times different?

Michelle: American adolescents are going through a drastic shift. Three decades ago, our concerns for our teens were binge drinking, teen pregnancy, drinking and driving and smoking. Now it’s depression, anxiety, self-harm and suicide.

Although, there is much blame put on social media and devices for the much of the problem, the evidence is inconclusive on the matter.

This is more a problem of not feeling “good enough,” and this comes from pressure all around our teens. It is our job to help them interpret the pressures and create a more balanced perspective. (We must ) help our teens cultivate a strong sense of self amidst the varying messages they receive. Be present with them and look past some of the negative behaviors to understand what is driving them.

Sloane: What is the biggest struggle that you are seeing in your practice?

Michelle:

Insecurity and negative self-talk
Lack of sense of self, not having goals for themselves
Little resiliency, the belief that they can solve their own problems and handle the failures
Loss of social connectedness
Stress from the many ideals they are trying to live up to

Sloane: How can we help our struggling teenagers?

Michelle: Connection, connection, connection. Take every small moment we can to “see” them and share some playful moments. (My kids love to watch Disney movies with me because they know I will cry!)

Model being “in the moment” and appreciating simple things. Help them to start creating a sense of self. Help them define what makes them interested and interesting.

Look at your own expectations and goals for them and make sure they are in alignment with who your child really is or what they need at the moment.

Listening to music and watching shows is an easy way to connect and have a common topic.

Sloane: What can we do as parents to respond in a productive way?

Michelle: Be aware of our triggers and keep ourselves in check before responding to our teens’ behaviors. (Ask yourself: “How would I talk about a tough subject with a close friend or family member?”)

Be available for the small moments, and practice and eventually teach simple mindfulness strategies.

Stay calm and curious calm in a nonjudgmental way.

Focus on their interests and see if you can connect with them on these things. Or try something new together so you can learn it or experience it together

Sloane: How do you know when it is time to seek help?

Michelle: Look for these warning signs:

A drastic change in their school performance
Withdrawal from friends and activities
Lack of enthusiasm, energy or motivation
Indecision, lack of concentration or forgetfulness
Changes in eating or sleeping patterns
Extreme anger and problems with authority
Alcohol or substance abuse

Sloane: How do we help our children become more resilient?

Michelle: Remember this help is for you as well as your teen. It is important that the parents are involved and invested in taking the steps to support their teen. Therapy is to learn a new way to understand one another and set some goals to work towards a stronger connection to help improve their mental health.

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