Ask Laura: What to do when you and your child are addicted to screens

I complained to my child that she's spending all her time on her phone, and she threw it right back at me, telling me that I'm on my phone all of the time too. (And she's right!) How can we both do this better?

Posted 1:40 a.m. Nov 7, 2018 — Updated 1:40 a.m. Nov 7, 2018

Laura Tierney

, founder of The Social Institute

Editor's note: In this monthly series, social media expert and Durham mom Laura Tierney, founder of The Social Institute, answers your questions about social media and kids. If you have a question for Laura, email her at contact@thesocialinst.com.

Question

Answer

Even though you each called out the other, there is a lot of good that can come from simply acknowledging you’re both on your phone too often. It’s nice to be in this balancing (juggling) act of technology and social media together!

As the founder of The Social Institute, I work with thousands of students and parents across the country, and our team challenges them to live up to high standards on social media. One of the standards we reinforce is to “Strike A Balance." Striking a balance is all about being where your feet are. It means being fully present, wherever you may be.

Striking a balance is important because it enables you to control technology, rather than allowing technology to control you. Every time we hear a ring, ping, like, or ding on our phones, it unleashes a hit of dopamine in the five inches between our ears. When we get enough hits of that dopamine, we could begin to crave that stimulation - over and over and over again.

Rather than allowing that to happen, we can take simple steps to control our devices rather than letting them control us. Here are four ways to to strike a balance and control all those dings, rings, and pings:

Mute Notifications

If you notice you have a habit to check your phone when you hear or see notifications, limit them. Settings > Notifications > Edit your app notifications. For text messaging, you can hide alerts by going to a texting conversation, clicking the contact icon at the top of the conversation, then “Info”, then “Hide Alerts”.

Consider tech limits for your kids - and yourself

If you want to set time limits to see how long you spend on your phone, update to Apple’s latest IOS 12. Go to Settings > Screen Time. You can even choose “Downtime” to schedule times to be away from your phone and even set time limits on app use. Maybe you even make it a challenge to see who can rack up the least amount of screen time!

Turn on “Do Not Disturb While Driving”

Lead by example and break the habit of checking your phone while driving. Go to Settings > Do Not Disturb > Activate “Do Not Disturb While Driving."

Set Family Standards

Brainstorm some tech free zones and tech free times. Whether it’s dinner, riding together in the car, or out shopping, come up with times to be present with one another. Our team offers a free template of a Family Social Standards Agreement. Consider sitting down together at the dinner table and talking through which standards make sense for your own family.

Whatever you choose, commit to the challenge and try to strike a balance together!

Laura Tierney is founder and president of The Social Institute, a Durham-based company that teaches students nationwide positive ways to handle one of the biggest drivers of their social development: social media.

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