Amanda Lamb: Know your parents well

Most of the time I write about being a parent, but I thought I would turn things around and write about being a daughter.

My friends are all at the stage in life where our parents are aging. Some of them have health problems; some do not. But the reality is that we have a finite amount of time left to enjoy their company.

I recently spoke to several people who had written their parents’ obituaries or eulogies, and it occurred to me that there are so many questions throughout our lives we don’t ask our parents. Where exactly were they born? Where did they grow up? What was it like?

I think we just assume as children that our parents were put on the earth to take care of us. We don’t imagine that they had a life before us. And even as we develop into adult relationships with them, we tend to brush over the details of their lives as if they are less significant than what they did after we were born.

Amanda Lamb: The pretty one

As well as I thought I knew my mother, I realized there were many details missing from my understanding of her when I started to write her obituary and eulogy. Thankfully, I started the process before she died, and I was able to ask her some of the questions I had. But even seven years later, there are many days when I think about her and wish I had asked her more questions about her life.

Now, when I’m with my dad, I do ask more questions. We also recently went through a box of old pictures that belonged to his mother, and he told me stories about my grandparents and his grandparents and many of his relatives that I didn’t know. I think an important part of understanding who we are is understanding where we came from. When you get to a certain age, your parents are the keepers of this history, history that if you don’t tap into it may vanish when they pass away.

Amanda Lamb: The kindness of strangers

This month, my husband had to work on his mother’s eulogy. It was beautiful and touching, filled with personal anecdotes of his memories about her. But like me, when I went through the same process, he had many questions that he had never asked her. He reached out to relatives hoping to get more information.

I recently sent my dad an email list of questions. It’s not just about writing his obituary someday, it’s about genuinely wanting to know his history. He hasn’t responded yet. I’m pretty sure he figures, what’s the rush? I hope he’s right. I would love for my dad to live another 20 years. But I’m going to keep asking the questions because he is someone I want to know ...