Why moms need a village (and how to find one)

It takes a village to raise a child, says the African proverb, but what happens when you don’t have a village?

Motherhood is challenging, especially when you don’t have a community of friends or family around you. Mothers of yesteryear were accustomed to living with their extended family close by in a tight-knit community.

But with more and more people moving away from their hometowns for school or work or with significant others, new mothers and parents are having to create their own villages wherever they land. Even with technology making it easier to keep in contact with friends and family, it is just not the same as having someone there to support you in person and share your experiences.

Though the expression “It takes a village to raise a child” has become somewhat cliché, the impact of our village-less realities is anything but insignificant. We feel misunderstood, isolated and burdened by social media’s picture-perfect portrayal of motherhood. Your village matters, so how do you find one in modern society?

Here are four ways to find your own tribe.

Most people operate on a pretty predictable schedule and if you take your child to the local playground regularly, you’ll probably begin to see the same caregivers time and time again. This is a great opportunity for you to strike up a conversation and find your common ground in parenthood.

You have to drop your child off and pick them up from daycare or school, so make use of that time to strike up conversations with other parents. If they seem like they’re stressed and busy, invite them over for dinner or for a playdate. Your children can play together and you can enjoy time together over a meal or a glass of wine and hopefully forge a friendship.

When you get to know someone, offer to share pick up or drop off duties or babysitting duties with them. Maybe you can switch off every other Friday evening so you and your partner can enjoy a night out together and your friend can do the same the following Friday.

However you build your village, know that it will take time and initiative but that it is 100 percent worth the effort!