We got our tween a phone for Christmas: Our parent-child smartphone contract
When is the right age to get your child a cellphone? Contributor Amy Davis explores this topic and shares a smartphone contract she has with her daughter.
Posted — UpdatedThat was the cry from our 12-year-old since the end of elementary school. Since the start of middle school I have polled the parents of her 6th-grade friends, “Have you let them have a phone, yet?” I surveyed the carpool pick-up area, counting the many smartphones I saw students clutching after the school bell rang. I asked my friends with older kids what they did, “So, when did you let him get a phone?”
She wasn’t the ONLY one without a phone, but many of her tween peers did use a smartphone as their main device while she sulked at using her old laptop for games or videos. Our daughter is our oldest and not just our technology guinea pig, but our constant reminder that when it comes to parenting, we are always learning along with her.
Being the parents of a middle schooler in 2023 probably differs from a decade ago and is surely not the same as when we were growing up. Tech is part of who this generation is.
My husband and I had analog childhoods and our generation adopted technology quickly. However, our child has been on the Internet since before she was born with my old baby blog. The first photos of her were with a digital camera I then plugged into my laptop to upload. The little-bit-blurry pics I got with my iPhone 3Gs were hard to put on Facebook with the hospital WiFi at the time.
As a preschooler, she loved the Disney Junior games on a second-generation iPad. The kids had that entire year of online school during COVID. More recently, she has had a private Instagram account that I own on my phone and she loves to make silly videos with friends. She gave friends at school my number so she wouldn’t be left out of group texts she considered socially important. We’ve all come a long way.
Every family has their own rules for their kids and tech.
So, this is what we did as a family. Getting her the phone at age 12, halfway through 6th grade, is the decision my husband and I came to with our child at this time. At the time I’m writing this article, the first week of January 2023, she has had her phone since Christmas Day. We called it as it was wrapped in a gift bag and she had to find her pretty pink iPhone 13 buzzing among the packages under the tree.
This was our reasoning and the parameters we set up for our tween to have a phone:
- Turn 12.
- Show us a solid academic transition into middle school during the first semester by maintaining good grades and showing effort in her schoolwork.
- Keep up with responsibilities at home including chores.
- Show continued dedication to her sports teams that we pay for and spend a great deal of time on.
- Show responsibility with the phone “soft launch” that we’ve had going as she used mom’s phone for a private Instagram account mom owns and texting friends from mom’s phone.
- Wait until mom and dad were eligible for an upgrade to our phones through our wireless provider. In our case, it was AT&T. We want her to understand that a smartphone is not a one-time Christmas gift expense, but also an additional charge on our monthly bill. I’ll add to this that we shopped for her new phone during a Black Friday deal AT&T had going on to add an additional line to our plan. We also got the newest iPhone 14 Pros, and she has a 13. Through the deal, adding a later model phone for a child was much more affordable. Check with your wireless provider.
- Sign a contract with parents.
I. Cell Phone Agreement - RULES
I understand that having this phone is not a right–it is a privilege that can be taken away. As such, I have read the following document and agree to the above rules. I understand that if I have any questions, I should ask.
___________________________________
She signed it this week. Not included is a statement about phones at school because her teachers and administration already have a strict policy in place about devices at school.
She has only had the phone a week so we are sure this contract will evolve, especially as she grows up. I wondered how I might have to change it in a few years when her younger brothers become tweens as technology continues to evolve.
When we discussed the idea of her getting a phone I had this grand idea of getting all business-like and having her sign this contract before unwrapping her very anticipated Christmas gift. We decided that took some fun out of a big present. We just had the phone activated and the Apple Parental Controls on at the start Christmas Day. We decided to deal with the contract and monitoring apps later.
I’m so glad we left the businessy, parental stuff for the new year. Yes, I approved every app and monitored her usage as she got set up, but allowing her room to set up her device as she wanted was really cool. I loved seeing what she wanted. They are a different generation and I marveled at how creative my daughter was with new photography apps and video editing. She changes out her cool cases and accessories. The asthetics were very important to her. Did you know you can change the whole layout of your phone with different apps? I bet your tween knows. She started watching videos and doing extra stretching and training for her sport at home and outlined her goals on a planning app. She wanted to download meditation apps and journaling apps. I think I assumed she’d just want silly games with lots of upcharges and scary social media apps we don’t know about yet. I was wrong. I watched her every night, put her phone away to charge without being asked. This was even without a contract. She does not want to mess this up.
Will she make mistakes? Absolutely. Will we make mistakes parenting this? For sure. Was this the right decision? We honestly don’t know yet. But, I think this gets us started the best way for our family and our tween.
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