The Etiquette of Writing an Obituary

While many might feel daunted by the task, it can be a real help -- even if you simply note the most important details -- for family members after a death, who are dealing with both grief and a long list of practical tasks. Plus, they may learn something about you they didn't know.

What should I include in an obituary?

An obituary tends to consist of three parts: first, name, age, date of death, cause of death [if appropriate], work, education; second, stories that celebrate their life; and third, the list of survivors (and relationship to the deceased). In How to write an Obituary, Victoria Chang, a Los Angeles-based poet, says, "Everyone is special and quirky, and I think the best obituaries capture the essence of those qualities about each of us."

Will the funeral home we've selected help us write an obituary?

Many do, as part of their fee. They will likely ask you for the information listed in Question 2.

How long should the obituary be?

The average length of an obituary is approximately 200 words, but some publications may accept obituaries as long as 450 words or as short as 50 words.

What if Dad lived most of his life in another state and moved to an Assisted Living close to me for the end of his life?

Often the Assisted Living community will ask your help in writing a Memorial to display in the community. You may then edit this to submit to the local newspaper where your dad lived and where his community can read it. If Mom and/or Dad lived in several places, you might consider submitting their obituary to the local paper in the communities where they were most connected.

How much does an obituary cost?

Costs vary by publication. Newspapers charge by the line. The average obituary cost begins at $200.00 and increases due to the amount of content, including a photograph and the length of the obituary. Most funeral homes provide an electronic obituary as part of their service.

Are there special considerations when writing an obituary in the era of COVID?

Given COVID, if a family chooses to have a service, the size will certainly need to be constrained, depending on the location and whether it is indoors or outdoors. Many are choosing to have small, private services, which are streamed to those who cannot join. A family may decide to post a link with the time and date of the virtual service in the obituary.