We asked a family practitioner, gynecologist and physical therapist what they wish patients knew

Going to the doctor can be intimidating.

I am guilty of putting off certain doctor’s appointments for years. Yes, you read that right. Not months, but years.

Of course, I am busy, as all moms are. Most moms I know spend entire afternoons carting their kiddos around to appointments and practices all over town, their own health and well-being often taking a backseat.

But we can’t ignore the fact that going to the doctor’s office can be scary. We tend to put doctors on a pedestal and often feel overwhelmed as we head in for our 10 precious minutes of solo time with our healthcare provider (to ask a year’s worth of questions).

I often find myself wondering what the doctor is thinking as they poke and prod my body (which is rapidly approaching middle-age. Shh, don’t tell!). Are they judging my weight gain? Do they shudder at the sight of my bunion or shake their head when they come across that regretful tattoo I got back in college?

I thought it would be helpful to ask a few doctors what it is they wish their patients knew. In my quest for insights I spoke with a medical doctor, gynecologist, and physical therapist. Here’s what they had to say:

The Medical Doctor

First, I spoke with Elizabeth Sierakowski, MD, DABFM, DABOIM. Sierakowski is the medical director & provider at the Raleigh & Holly Springs locations of Essential Health. She is triple trained in family medicine, integrative medicine and functional medicine and has practiced from coast to coast.

Here’s what Dr. Sierakowski had to say:

Your relationship with your provider can be so much better. With any professional advisor:

1.    Seek the right fit, and be clear about your goals. "Non-compliance" is when your goals and the doctor's goals for you don't align. You can always seek another opinion or another relationship. Many practices don’t offer free ‘Meet and Greet’ appointments, but you can always ask! Increasingly providers are on media, or have a video of them talking on their clinic’s website. That can help you get a feel for someone ahead of time.

2.    Once you find your fit, stick with it for a reasonable amount of time. Too many cooks spoil the soup. Medicine is absolutely a blend of art and science. While some treatment plans are very cut and dry and you may get the same answer from several people, most have significant room for variability. Adding layers of opinion, herb, prescription, oils, & other treatments can make you sicker instead of better or at best can hinder progress.

3.    Prepare for your appointments. Call ahead and make sure you state what your chief goal is. Like your hair appointments, if you're coming in for a quick cut and are expecting foils, it won't end well.

4.    Navigate the conversation. Ask up front for: Listening (is this bad?), Advice (what can I do?), or Intervention (is there a treatment?). Sometimes your doctor will suggest more than what you've asked for, but that's our job, too.

5.    Be Honest. If you feel you can’t tell your provider about your supplement regimen, barriers to change, home environment, fears, or anything else critical to creating an appropriate treatment plan for you – that’s a big sign that’s not the right relationship for you.

6.    Give feedback! Both positive and negative. Your providers only ever get better if you can tell them when you've improved, or if something isn't working, or especially if you've found healing from someone else. Learning from the approach of my colleagues is critical to being able to help that many more people.

Sierakowski also said, “As you seek a provider who treats you with humanity and respect, please remember we are human beings, too, doing the very best we can to alleviate suffering in the world.”

The Physical Therapist

Next up, I thought it would be interesting to hear from a physical therapist, so I spoke to Holly Durney, PT, OCS. Durney is an APTA Orthopedic Certified Specialist and has pelvic floor rehabilitation training from the Herman and Wallace Pelvic Rehabilitation Institute. She utilizes her knowledge of orthopedics to treat pelvic pain, pre- and postnatal issues and incontinence at Smart Athlete Physiotherapy.

Here’s what Dr. Durney had to say:

I wish my patients knew that pregnancy and delivery can be treated as an orthopedic injury. Unlike ankle sprains and low back pain that typically get referred out for care, pregnancy is something that women are expected to be able to rehabilitate on their own unless there's a traumatic delivery or some sort of complication. But if you think about the postural changes, the ligament changes, the structural changes and the muscle damage that occurs during pregnancy and delivery, standard outpatient care is something that should be sought regardless of trauma or complication during delivery. My hope is to encourage women to seek care postpartum as a standard part of their postnatal care. I hope to encourage women to seek physical therapists advice in order to reactivate their muscles and reclaim their body after giving birth.

The Gynecologist

Finally, I decided to take it to the most intimate of doctor-patient relationships. Who doesn’t wonder what their gynecologist would secretly love to tell their patients? So, I spoke to Polly Watson, MD FACOG NCMP, founder and owner of Hormone Wellness MD.

Here’s what Dr. Watson had to say:

I wish you knew and could take to heart that self care isn't selfish. So many women wait far too long to seek medical care. And they've been suffering for years before they finally take some time for themselves. The best diet and lifestyle advice, the most complicated cutting edge test, the most advanced nutraceutical protocol, none of that can be optimally helpful with a patient that isn't able to set boundaries for self care at work and at home.

So I invite you to create some space for yourself to step forward. Look at your calendar, and find one thing that you can say no to or you can delegate. If you could claim back 30 minutes a day to take care of yourself imagine how your health would change. The world is a pretty stressful place, especially now. Your body and your mind deserve some rest that's restorative. So let's reimagine what's possible for women's health and start by stepping forward and creating some space for yourself and your own self care.

To open up more time for self-care, Dr. Watson suggested things like taking a break from social media, letting up on the Netflix habit or ordering groceries electronically and having them delivered rather than spending time at the grocery store.

She also suggested trying journaling as a time of personal reflection. To work on lowering cortisol Dr. Watson suggests exploring tapping, meditation, or visualization. She also stressed the importance of social connection and spending time connecting with a treasured friend.

It’s About You

What do all of the doctors’ suggestions have in common?

All the doctors expressed genuine compassion for their patients. It is vital to build a relationship with a trusted provider and to be honest with them in your communication. If you don’t have that kind of relationship it may be time to seek out a new provider.

Of course, it goes without saying, doctors are human and are certainly not infallible. It’s crucial that women learn to trust their body and follow their intuition. If something doesn’t feel right and a doctor is not listening to your concerns it is worth pursuing a second opinion. There are plenty of good doctors out there who are willing to listen and want to help you find health.

Crissy Fishbane is the co-founder of HER Health Collective, a supportive community and resource hub for moms. She is a certified therapeutic exercise specialist, personal trainer, wellness coach, and former high-school psychology teacher. Crissy believes in a holistic approach to women’s health and is a strong advocate of improved screening and treatment of perinatal mood disorders. She is passionate about building a supportive community for moms where they can make genuine connections and build authentic relationships.