Tips to tackle 'world's smallest slot machine' aka your smartphone

As I pulled up to the red light, my hand inadvertently found its way over to the passenger seat and picked up my smartphone. Without any forethought, no real clear purpose in mind, I typed in my password and hit the little blue F icon, opening up my Facebook account. Surprise of all surprises, nothing had changed since I had checked five minutes prior, at the last red light.

I then proceeded to open up my Instagram account, my work email, my personal email, and then I rounded it all out by checking Facebook again. Oh look! A little red notification popped up on the screen alerting me that someone had some social interaction with me. I click the button. Oh, it’s just a friend that had posted about a bike she was selling in a mom’s group we are both on. Nothing pertinent to my life. Nothing relevant.

I closed out the app and clicked back over to Instagram, continuing the mindless rotation until I saw the car next to me inching forward. I dropped the phone down back in the passenger seat and gently tapped the accelerator, moving my vehicle and myself closer to the next red light and the next time I would likely pick up my phone to mindlessly scroll apps that, if I’m being honest, don’t bring me all that much joy.

The urge to pick up my phone is visceral. It can, and often does come over me multiple times in an hour. Occasionally I resist, but more often than not I do a quick scroll, making the circuit of my four go-to apps. Sometimes, when I start to feel a bit bored by the monotony of this cycle, I add in the news app, one of my workout apps, or my goodreads account. Clearly, it’s essential I get caught up on what my friends are reading right now.

Phones are the newest addiction taking our world by storm. A generation ago, i.e. when we were kids, this was not an issue. We did not have smartphones connecting us to acquaintances we’d met once and haven’t seen in decades. There was no technology in our pocket that would connect us to school or work at a moment’s notice. The answer to any question was not available to us with a few swipes of our finger. We had to use our brain to think and wonder, engaging in real face-to-face conversation with other humans on the topic.

When I was a teacher we used to ask our students what technology they thought had most changed the world. Certainly many technologies have had a huge impact on our society, but the advent of smartphones and social media permeate our life in a way that most other technologies haven’t. We are always with our phones. It’s a constant. Never very from us, and in many cases now attached to our actual body in the form of smart watches, our phones are a part of our lives every second of every day, even at night.

Because we are the first generation to navigate this new technology, at least in it’s newest iteration, we have some challenges to overcome in order to make sure the benefits continue to outweigh the drawbacks.

According to PsychAlive, Dr. David Greenfield calls smartphones the world's smallest slot machine. Dr. Greenfield is a technology expert who has studied cell phone addiction. He says that every so often, the cell phone gives you a reward.

These rewards come in the form of emails, text messages or other updates. They are surprises for us, sometimes filled with great news, much like a slot machine might deliver a jackpot.

The notifications dinging on our phone serve as a reward, releasing dopamine which becomes a craving for the phone user, much like any other addiction. It can get to the point that the phone user can’t think about anything else, it’s the first thing they reach for in the morning and the last thing they look at each night. If a phone goes missing or they aren’t allowed to use their phone for a period of time, the phone user might feel a sense of panic.

The checking of the phone can lead to what experts call a dopamine loop. As long as the phone is in my hand, I continue to get that little release of dopamine. This is why a “quick check” of my phone can lead to an endless cycle of mindless scrolling and switching apps, as described in my red light stops.

Looking up statistics on phone addiction can be a scary endeavor. Here are some from Project Be that made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end:

• The average US person spends 5 hours per day on their phone.
• 85% of smartphone users check their phones while speaking to friends and family.
• 71% of people sleep with or next to their mobile phone.
• 210 million people are estimated to suffer from phone and social media addiction.

I polled some local moms and many shared that they do indeed struggle with phone use, however, many mentioned their partner being the one that struggles with putting the phone down. Whether it’s you or a loved one, phone addiction is very real and can genuinely wreak havoc on a family.

Here are some signs of smartphone addiction to keep an eye on, according to Psych Guides:

• Feeling a need to use the cell phone more and more often.
• Experiencing failed attempts at using the phone less often.
• Becoming preoccupied with smartphone use.
• Using the cell phone as a way to release feelings of anger or depression.
• Losing track of time because of being on the phone regularly.
• Putting your job at risk because of using the cell phone too much.
• Putting relationships at risk because of excessive cell phone use.
• Always feeling as though you need the newest cell phone.
• Continually adding new apps to your phone.
• Using the cell phone in inappropriate situations.
• Experiencing withdrawal symptoms when you're not able to use the phone.

Looking at these symptoms makes me wonder if any of us are not addicted to our phones to some degree. Wrapped up in all the smartphone use struggles is social media which can also be addictive. Countless studies have demonstrated the negative effects of social media use on users' self-esteem. The effects on youth are proving to be even more damaging.

Knowing all of this, I dove into this topic with as many people as I could. Asking friends how they manage phone use in their home, what limits they put in place, and how it’s all working for them? I also picked up a copy of How to Break Up With Your Phone by Catherine Price and highly recommend it if you are looking to put some limits on your own phone use.

Here are some of the things I’ve tried that have had at least some positive impact on my personal phone use:

• Each night, I now plug in and charge my phone across the room. This is helpful as I don’t find myself grabbing my phone in the middle of the night if I can’t sleep and it’s not the first thing I reach for in the morning.
• I’ve used apps to set time limits on my phone. This was mildly helpful at first, but I quickly found myself mindlessly clicking the “ignore” button. They have apps with stricter limits that many friends have had success with. It’s worth exploring the many different options available for your phone.
• I turned off all notifications and now keep my phone on silent. I no longer even see a red bubble when I receive a text message. I actually have to click into my text app to see if I’ve received a text. This may be extreme for some, but I found it helpful. Some resources recommend investing in a landline or a dumb phone to use when you don’t want to be attached to your smartphone. I haven’t ventured into this territory yet, but may explore it more in the future.
• We now have off-limit times and zones in my home. Our dinner table is an off-limit zone for everyone in the house. I also have made the morning before 8 a.m. and after 10 p.m. off limit time blocks for myself. I don’t adhere to this perfectly, but in general it has kept me from mindless scrolling during those hours.
• I’ve played around with putting my phone on grayscale. This made using social media much less enjoyable and I did find myself using my phone and logging into social platforms much less. However, it also made using my calendar, Google maps, camera and video recorder more of a pain, which I was not as fond of. Overall, as a tool this did help me use my phone less but it had some drawbacks.
• A one-day phone detox is now scheduled on my calendar once a week. The day may vary each week depending on my schedule, but for one day I turn my phone completely off and leave it at home. I usually pick a day I don’t have much going on, but in general I will rely on my partner to use his phone if we need to use Maps or were to have an emergency. This keeps me from all mindless scrolling for an entire day, and the next day when I turn it back on I find I’m less inclined to use it as frequently throughout the day.
• I deleted Facebook and Instagram off my phone. I can access them from my laptop or my phone’s browser if I absolutely need to. If I want to post a photo or check something for work (I do use social media for my job) I have to actively choose to reinstall the apps. It only adds a minute to the process, but I have to really think about if I want to take that extra step to get logged back in. Once I complete what I wanted to do, and maybe a few extra minutes of scrolling, I delete the app off my phone again. My aim is to only download it onto my phone 2 or 3 times a week and only for 10-20 minutes at a time.
• I’ve become mindful. This sounds so cheesy, and I hesitated to include this, but the research is clear. Mindfulness is essential to breaking any bad habit. In “How to Break Up With Your Phone,” Price suggests asking “What For? Why Now? and What Else?” What are you picking up your phone to do? Why is it important to do it now? What else could you be doing instead? I’ve also made it a point to read everything I can on this topic, talk to friends about it, and otherwise make it a topic that is at the forefront of my mind as much as possible.

Price drives home the point that “our lives are what we pay attention to.” When I ask myself “What do I want to pay attention to?” the answer is invariably never my phone or what I will find on it. I want to pay attention to my people - my child, my partner, my friends, my hobbies and interests, and my work. These are the things that I want to devote my life to. Not a little red notification. Not somebody else’s priorities for me. Not other people’s highlight reel.

I am still on this phone break-up journey. It’s a process and doesn’t happen overnight. I still use my phone more frequently than I’d like. But the parameters around its use have improved drastically and I’m 100% committed to the process. My family deserves it. I deserve it.

I will not let the slot machine in my pocket control me. I will choose where my attention goes. I will not be another smartphone statistic.

Crissy Fishbane is the co-founder of HER Health Collective, a supportive community and resource hub for moms. She is a certified therapeutic exercise specialist, personal trainer, wellness coach, and former high-school psychology teacher. Crissy believes in a holistic approach to women’s health and is a strong advocate of improved screening and treatment of perinatal mood disorders. She is passionate about building a supportive community for moms where they can make genuine connections and build authentic relationships. Crissy is a regular Go Ask Mom contributor.