The challenges and rewards of caring for loved ones
This article was written for our sponsor, Kerr-Tar Area Agency on Aging.
More often than not, when someone is in need of caregiving, the responsibility is taken on by someone in their family. While most people don't imagine themselves ever being the position to care for a parent, sibling, spouse or other relative, the number of family caregivers in the United States has increased by almost 10 million in the past five years.
For Theresa Alston, her 10-year journey with caregiving ended earlier this year after her husband, Conrad Alston passed away. Caregiving for her husband was a way for Alston to ensure he was happy, comfortable and loved.
"It is a job — you don't get paid, but you have to really love it. We made a promise to him that he would never be in a nursing home, and we would give him our best. The doctors, they saw that, and they saw me holding his hand until the end," said Alston. "It's a learning experience, and it takes a lot of commitment. But I know that I gave him the best at home."
In caring for her husband, Alston relied on the Warren County Senior Center and the KerrTar Area Agency on Aging for resources and information. Through a grant program, Alston was able to use the funds to cover extra help, and Kerr-Tar AAA also supplied her with personal protective equipment like masks and gloves. Through her church, she was able to lean on her pastor, her faith, and her church community for support she needed.
While Alston didn't have a medical background before her caregiving journey started, these resources helped her learn more — but even with a medical background, caregiving can be uncharted territory.
Cheryl Mercadante began caregiving for her mother in November of 2020, moving to North Carolina from Massachusetts to do so. While she worked in healthcare administration previously and earned a degree in health education, resources vary by state and she had to deal with an entirely new system. In North Carolina, her mother didn't qualify for hospice, so Mercadante chose to start home care herself.
"I promised my mom and dad that they would not be in a nursing home as long as I am able to care for them. I am new to caring for seniors, but since working in healthcare all my life I knew there were agencies out there to help — finding them in a state where I am new was difficult," said Mercadante. "I reached out to our primary care physician, contacted hospice to see if she was eligible and she was not. I searched the internet for elder home care services, and eventually I found Kerr-Tar AAA on a billboard in our community."
Through the help of Kerr-Tar AAA and a rehabilitation facility, Mercadante was able to arrange medi-home health services to help with the care of her mother. Through internet searches and speaking with people at these facilities, she was able to locate a home health aide through United Healthcare and a company that could provide a hospital bed and wheelchair.
The health aide visits twice a week, but Mercadante handles the day-to-day care, including helping her mom get out of bed, get to the bathroom, and get dressed, as well as cooking her meals and keeping her company.
Since she doesn't have any siblings, Mercadante is handling the care on her own — and while it's "a busy day, it's also a rewarding day."
"I know that when my mom leaves this earth, I have done my best to care for her, the same way I did for my dad. I have no regrets knowing that my mom is not in a home where I cannot be with her, to see how the care is," said Mercadante. "My mom is doing much better at home, because she's with us, her routine is the same every day, she's got the animals here — she's got everything that she knows."
For those who are able to, Mercadante recommends planning ahead and considering something like long-term care insurance to help with financial strains. Additionally, figuring out things like insurance coverage, bank account information, handicap accessibility, and even home services for things like haircuts and pedicures can help caregivers be prepared for anything.
For both Alston and Mercadante, caregiving wasn't necessarily something they saw themselves doing — but both are grateful for the time they're able to spend with their loved ones.
"To see my mom happy, to see my mom eat, to see my mom walking again and that she's actually enjoying her life being at home — that's rewarding enough to me," said Mercadante. "Right now she's 96, and I know that she is going to live out her best life with people around her and with her loved ones, not in some nursing facility."
"Seize every moment. Don't take it as something to regret, but seize it all as moments and memories. When it's time for their release, you can let them go, but you let them know that you are happy for the time you had," said Alston. "A lot of people, when they cry, they cry because they feel like they didn't do all that they could do. But God blessed me, my family, and my children to give Conrad Alston, my great man, a sense of peace."
This article was written for our sponsor, Kerr-Tar Area Agency on Aging.
