Sloane Heffernan: My phone-free teen
It must be really hard growing up in this digital world. We’re in an age of endless scrolling and constant comparison. But if you ask my teenage daughter, she would argue that it’s even harder not being plugged in.
Unlike most kids her age, our 13 year old daughter doesn’t have a smartphone. Based on recent statistics, she is in the minority. According to Common Sense Media, 42 percent of kids have a phone by age 10. By age 12, it's 71 percent. By 14, it's 91 percent.
My husband and I made a decision when our boys were little to wait until high school to give our kids a smartphone. That was more than a decade ago. At the time it felt like a smart decision. A wise friend warned me that there would be “no turning back” once we handed our kids a phone.
As I watch my older sons on their phones, I wish we had waited longer. I am not a fan of their screen time. Still, I feel my daughter’s phone-free pain. I remember what it was like being a teenage girl and wanting to connect with my friends. I loved having a phone in my bedroom and we would talk for hours.
Landline chats have been replaced with group chats and Snapchats, but the concept of connection is still the same. My daughter is missing out on special conversations and crucial connections, because she doesn’t have a phone, and I know that must be hard.
On the flip side, I see the benefits of not having a phone. The pressure is greater than ever to live up to unrealistic expectations on social media.
In May, U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy issued a new advisory on the impact of social media usage on teen mental health. The advisory called attention to the way that social media can perpetuate body dissatisfaction, disordered eating behaviors and serious mental health issues.
Another recent study shows that social media may be more harmful to girls than boys.
I often think about our decision to withhold the phone until high school when we are driving down the road. I look in the rearview mirror and notice that my daughter is often the only passenger looking out the window. It makes me smile. She is present and does not need to be constantly stimulated or entertained. I am glad to see her watching the world instead of a screen.
