Inconceivable: One foot in front of the other
After we found out that our first Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) didn't work, I didn't know if I would have the strength to want to try it again. This was an AB graded embryo. The doctor said my lining was perfect. Why didn't it work and what hope do we have for the embryos that aren't graded as high?
My doctor told us that just because an embryo looks great doesn't mean it is strong enough or even genetically normal. The only way we can tell that is through PGS testing.
Since we did INVOcell and not traditional IVF, the lab didn't have a chance to do that testing on these embryos. Plus, it is pricey. We have the option of thawing out the embryos and doing testing and then re-freezing them, but I don't want to put these little frozen popsicles through all that. Plus, at $4,500 per FET, I can't afford to do testing on each one - especially if this doesn't work and we have to do it again.
The day we got our bad news, I had wisely scheduled a therapy appointment. I like to schedule my nervous breakdowns. It was tough, but the one thing that I kept coming back to was that my family of three is still in tact. We are fine. We are OK. And I've come this far and survived far worse than this.
I've focused on a lot of self care in the past month - trying to do things that make me happy. My husband and I talked and decided to move forward with another FET. We are transferring two embryos this time, so fingers crossed that at least one takes. I'm terrified, but the support we have received from friends, family and all of you reading this blog has really helped keep us going.
Through your letters and messages, I don't feel so alone anymore. And that brings me to a really cool event coming up this weekend that brings together people dealing with infertility.
The Raleigh Walk of Hope is happening at 10 a.m., Saturday, at Dix Park. The walk will raise funds for Resolve, a nonprofit that provides free support groups, education and advocacy for men and women dealing with infertility. The event will be emceed by my good friend WRAL anchor Renee Chou.
For more information and to find out how you can get involved, go to the Raleigh Walk of Hope's Facebook page.
Kathy is a mom of one and Out & About editor for WRAL.com. She writes for Go Ask Mom about her experience with secondary infertility.
