How to talk to your child about underage drinking

This article was written for our sponsor, Talk it Out.

The average age a young person tries alcohol for the first time is 14 years old.

Nearly two-thirds of middle and high school aged youth say they know peers who have tried alcohol. Roughly 10 percent of 12-year-olds say they have tried alcohol and by the time they reach 15, the average of those who have imbibed jumps to 50 percent.

"Exposure to drinking and the pressure to drink aren't things that suddenly pop up in high school. Some children in North Carolina have their first exposure to alcohol outside the home while they're still in elementary school; for most, it's common to hear about incidents involving alcohol in their middle-school years," stated the Talk it Out website. "This means that as parents, we can't wait until high school to have real talks with our kids. We have to start much earlier, so they'll be fully prepared for what they're going to face."

Talk it Out is an initiative of the N.C. Alcoholic Beverage Control Commission aimed at addressing the issue of underage drinking. The ABC Commission launched the multi-media campaign to prevent underage drinking through meaningful partnerships, informational resources, and conversation starters to get parents and other adults talking with kids and teens about the implications of drinking while underage.

"Through our research, we confirmed that too many kids are drinking and too many parents are unaware of the scope. Neither group feels comfortable dealing with the issue or has a good handle on the facts," talkitoutnc.org continued. "But we also identified a solution: kids want and expect to hear from their parents. Parents want to be better prepared. And better communication can go a long way toward reducing underage drinking. That's why Talk It Out exists — to fill the gap with real information and honest discussion."

Why underage drinking is problematic

Underage drinking isn't just illegal, it also poses danger to a child's mental, emotional and physical health.

Not only is underage drinking high-risk (it can lead to injury or even death), its effects on the adolescent brain include decreased brain activity, damage to memory and learning areas of the brain, short-term impairments and long-term consequences like increased risk of alcohol-use problems.

According to research on talkitoutnc.org, "underage drinking can wire the brain for alcoholism." Children who drink before the age of 15 are 40 percent likely to become alcoholics compared to 7 percent of those who wait to drink until the age of 21.

Additionally, underage drinking can lead to other dangerous behaviors and other addictions and is strongly correlated with poor academic performance. Research reveals "alcohol use by teens is one of the strongest predictors of teen injury, fighting, academic problems, truancy, unprotected sexual activity, unwanted sexual advances, illegal activity and other illicit drug use."

Joe Marks started drinking as a teenager and struggled with alcoholism for much of his early adult life. Now a recovering alcoholic, he said one of the things that gives him passion about his role as an ambassador for the ABC Commission is the fact he knows firsthand the demons that come along with addiction.

"I'm in long term recovery," Marks said. "I started drinking heavily at 18 and continued to drink heavily throughout my college career. During the last 10 years of my drinking, I was doing a half gallon of alcohol a day."

For a good portion of this time Marks had a job at a major newspaper and said he had to "function" and make money in order to financially support his drinking habit. He began doing other drugs to help him drink more and eventually was fired from his job. He noted young brains are not equipped to deal with effects of alcohol.

"Young brains are more susceptible to binge drinking, which can lead to all sorts of problems with the brain," he said. "Not only are you setting yourself up for possible addiction down the line, but everything from unwanted pregnancies, to STDs and car accidents can stem from underage drinking."

A Duke Health and University of North Carolina School of Medicine study, "Alcohol & The Adolescent Brain: Immediate Impairment, Long-Term Consequences," details the unique characteristics of the developing adolescent brain and outlines how alcohol affects it very differently than it does a fully developed adult brain. This, in part, is due to the fact the human brain is not fully developed until age 25 — including areas of the brain that inhibit impulsive behavior and improve self-control.

"I started drinking when my mother died— I was just nine," said Shirley Hart, another ambassador for the ABC Commission. Hart started drinking at age 15 and is also a recovering alcoholic like Marks. "The alcohol would kill the pain. I didn't have to think. I grew up in a family where you were told not to cry. From then on, any tragedy that was going on in my life — drinking would kill the pain for me."

Hart's parents were bootleggers and she had easy access to alcohol from a young age. She also mentioned the current pandemic as being problematic for some children who feel the stress of the current situation and those who may be housebound with parents who are heavy drinkers or with temptations of alcohol, like she was.

Start a conversation with your child

While 94 percent of kids think underage drinking is a serious problem, less than half of North Carolina parents think the same. This disconnect is one of the root reasons why critical discussions about underage drinking are not happening as often as they should be.

It can be hard to know where to start with your child. Parents may think a child is too young to talk about such a serious topic or worry they may come off accusatory or "spook" their kid. The best way to begin a conversation is simply to start. Being direct, but non-judgemental is also recommended.

"Talking to your kids about the dangers of underage drinking doesn't have to be a big production. In fact, having lots of little conversations can be one of the most effective ways to educate your children and open the lines of communication for the future," said talkitoutnc.org. "Ask open-ended questions, take advantage of all kinds of situations, and use age-appropriate messages."

Talk it Out even offers a guide of Conversation Starters that includes things to say about underage drinking that are non-confrontational, engaging and clear when it comes to discussing alcohol with your child.

"I had conversations with my kids about drinking, even though I was drinking myself," Hart said. "I told them that I didn't want them to drink, that it wasn't good for them, it could slow them down, they could get into a car accident. I had that conversation with them even though I was in the throes of my own addiction because I did not want that for them."

After she got sober, Hart went back to her children and had more conversations with them. When one of her sons came to her and admitted he'd been drinking underage, she said she didn't get upset with him — she was just glad he had told her and they had an open relationship with each other where he felt comfortable enough to confide in her.

"The conversation about underage drinking should start as early as five or 6-years-old," said Hart. "You can do it in a game format or do it in a relaxing atmosphere. Give them something to think about and invite them to ask questions."

Marks said talking to kids about underage drinking helps him stay sober and enlightens him.

At the end of the day, young children and teens are not equipped to deal with the risks of alcohol on their own and Talk it Out encourages crucial conversations about the dangers of underage drinking. Parents and kids can "take the pledge" to talk it out together and commit to being safe and responsible when it comes to alcohol.

This article was written for our sponsor, Talk it Out.