Greatness lives here: Guiding teens towards greatness is a journey

My husband and I are first-generation college students. We both had non-traditional experiences, attending school in varying years and at varying ages.

Part of our goal in our education was to model and pave the path forward for our own children. We hoped that by getting degrees of our own, our children could more easily pursue higher education and find their own success.

As parents, we aspire to guide our children to greatness.

Greatness can be defined in many ways – career success, quality relationships or financial prosperity. It can be measured by the positive impact an individual has on others. Those who inspire, uplift, and contribute to their communities are often recognized as great.

As parents, we long to help teens find greatness for themselves, however they define it.

But guiding teens to this is a journey – it demands intentionality, grit and a strategic approach. I recommend four key steps that parents can take to help their teens move toward greatness.

1.     Greatness requires discipline

First and foremost, the foundation of greatness is discipline. I've witnessed the transformative power of instilling discipline in teens.

Without controlled and routine habits, teens’ steps toward greatness will flounder. They will try to move toward success but will only make it so far without discipline.

But with it, they set realistic academic and personal goals. As parents, we can help teens to set steps and make plans for how to reach their goals. For instance, parents can help teens create a practical schedule that includes dedicated time for study, extracurricular activities and leisure.

Any great achievement needs to be approached one methodical and patient step at a time. One must have the strength of the mind, will, and resolve to take steps like this. Discipline also lays the foundation for a strong work ethic, resilience, and the ability to navigate challenges.

Parents can also model discipline to teens – this can be done by parents sharing stories of their own failures and successes. While doing this, parents should be sure to emphasize that while setbacks are always part of the journey, learning from them promotes growth.

Michael Jordan once said that, "I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

2.     Understand individual achievements

Greatness can be marked by the individual achievements that teens accomplish.

Because of this, it’s vital for parents to see what gifts teens have that can lead to individual achievements. By identifying gifts, parents can better help their teens grow and find success.

To identify a teen’s gifts, talk with them. As a life coach, I have had sessions with teens where I guide them through conversation about their past achievements. I ask them what they thought they did well and where they thought they could grow.

It was vital that I ensured the teens felt heard, validated and inspired, and that they knew they were in a safe space and a no-judgment zone. From there, I could help them identify the skills they see in themselves and encourage them to grow their gifts.

3.    Learning to have intrinsic motivation

Intrinsic motivation is a motivation you find within. It’s incentivizing yourself to move forward, grow and chase after dreams. It’s finding your passion and using that to fuel yourself.

Another way to put it is that self-motivation means being driven by a personal desire to achieve valued goals despite obstacles.

Essentially, greatness comes from a genuine passion for what one does.

Parents, you can guide your teens in discovering their interests and passions. Encourage them to explore various activities, clubs, or sports to help uncover their innate talents.

Extracurriculars are so beneficial for teens. Not only do they help them find their passion, but several studies have found that students who participate in extracurricular activities have higher grade-point averages, better attendance records, lower dropout rates, fewer discipline problems, and are more connected to their peers. These students also have lower rates of drug use and teen pregnancy.

It’s important, though, to remember that oftentimes teens will follow an interest that is different from the parents’ aspirations. Nevertheless, parents need to create an environment where teens can sense support in pursuing their passions.

4.     External support

Although parents play a pivotal role in shaping their teens, seeking external support can further enhance teens’ journey toward greatness.

A family life coach brings a unique perspective and professional expertise to the table. They can offer personalized strategies for effective communication, conflict resolution and goal setting. They can be a mentor to the teens and the rest of the family.

A mentor allows you to see the hope inside yourself and your potential. Through structured sessions, coaches can address specific challenges, provide tools for personal development, and contribute to the overall well-being of your family.

Celebrities like Oprah Winfrey even encourage mentorship and coaching. She testifies that external help enabled her to reach her own goals.

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Parents, all things considered, remember that greatness is subjective.

Remember to always believe in your teens, see the best in them and teach them how to define greatness for themselves. You have the privilege and responsibility to nurture the seeds of greatness within your teens.

Gale McKoy Wilkins is a wife, mom, grandparent and family life coach. She is the founder of Project Arrow, an evidence-based peer-to-peer and leadership program teaching middle, high school and first-year college students how to deal with trauma and crisis using life coaching. It's the first life coaching organization in the state to receive funding from the Department of Public Instruction and the first to implement life coaching in a school setting.