Go Ask Dad: Doggone hard

I was working at my desk when my dog came into the room. She sat down with a look:

We need to talk.

“What’s up?”

It’s about last Friday.

“Oh, yeah?” I replied, innocently. “What about?”

You know doggone well. The sleepover. Those eight crazy kids running amok around here!

“Actually, there were only four …”

Each one made enough noise for two of you humans!

“True enough,” I conceded, “but they’re good kids.”

Good? You call that ‘good’?! Being loud and making messes and staying up all night long!

“In fairness, they got quiet around 3 a.m.”

How is that fair?

“Come on, they were, you know, just having fun.”

Just in need of some obedience school!

“Hey, I’m sorry it was stressful on you. But that’s what 10-year-olds do at sleepovers. Play video games and eat junk food and tape flashlights to their foreheads for tag in the dark.”

I will never understand your species.

“Well, you guys greet each other by sniffing butts.”

Your point being?

“It’s not for me to judge. You do you! And we can’t be too hard on him either. I got to warn you, it’s probably only going to get more stressful … very funny, you’re playing dead! I’m serious. So many things are changing for him at school, with his friends, and in his own body.”

Is that why he smells so interesting now?

“Um, ‘interesting’ is one way to put it. The point is that he’s growing up. He needs more freedom and also to be guided in the right ways.”

Oh, so you’re going to train him on the leash!

“I wish it were that easy. The truth is that we are basically figuring it out as we go. I know that we got to support him no matter what.”

I’m a dog, remember? Unconditional love is my superpower! But can we never have another sleepover again?

“I can’t promise that, but here’s the good news. It’s somebody else’s turn to host next time! I know, if I had a tail, I’d wag it, too!”

Andrew Taylor-Troutman is the author of Gently Between the Words: Essays and Poems. He is the pastor of Chapel in the Pines Presbyterian Church. He and his wife, also an ordained minister, parent three children and a dog named Ramona.