Go Ask Dad: Dad's best birthday gift

It’s not another coffee mug. Get out of here with your shirts and ties. No right-minded person would even consider giving me a power tool. Cologne? Are you serious?

My birthday is Jan. 9 but, whether the gift is for that occasion, Christmas or Father’s Day, I always prefer to receive socks. Yes, socks — the wildest, wackiest, coolest socks.

I actually have socks that read Cool Dad. I’ve been given other socks with pictures of goats and acoustic guitars. A yeti-like guy playing a guitar. Socks with baseballs and footballs and fútbols. I received socks with a picture of my dog’s face emblazoned on them.

And the pièce de résistance — socks with a picture of a sun-glass wearing cat flying through space … on a slice of pepperoni pizza!

Someday, it would be awesome if one of my kids knit socks for me. Or maybe created some with a 3D printer. Who knows? In the meantime, they search the internet with their mom.

I have socks with peace signs and Mister Rogers’s quotations. Smiley-face emojis and pink hearts. And tacos, which I like to sport on Tuesdays.

As a pastor, I own several pairs of nondescript black socks that I wear to most funerals, although I wore the peace sign socks in honor of one woman, and her widower loved it.

Sundays, however, I wear the funky socks — “funky” in terms of the artwork, not the smell. Still, people have noticed. Maybe a few make comments behind my back, but it’s a welcoming church. Express yourself!

A young boy approached during a recent worship service and, grinning widely, hitched up the leg of his khakis to reveal socks with Chewbacca! I happened to be wearing my cat socks, which I gleefully showed him. Obviously, he was impressed.

This is a boy who, like many kids his age, will only wear gym shorts. Even if the wind chill is a smaller number than his age. But his mother convinced him to wear “church pants” by promising that he could wear his Chewbacca socks. And that I would be wearing funky socks, too!

She didn’t necessarily think that he would show off those socks during the service, but I certainly didn’t mind. In fact, his grin was the best present of that day.

My kids know not to get me baseball caps or golf balls. No gardening or grilling tools. Gift cards are fine. But would I rather have a pair of wild and wacky socks? Does a cat fly through space on a slice of pizza?