Battles are won within: What is mental toughness

Joan of Arc once said that “All battles are first won or lost, in the mind.”

I’ve seen this statement prove true time and time again as a life coach.

Whether I am at school coaching hundreds of students or working with a teen one-on-one, I tell them this truth. In battles against bullies, fights with fear, or struggles with anxiety – battles first must be won within.

Winning fights with mental toughness

To win battles first in the mind, you need to develop mental toughness or mental strength.

Mental toughness means that you have a mindset to exceed and overcome barriers. There will always be challenges to face. For teens, it could be striving to get good grades, trying to play well on the field, or figuring out next steps after high school.

Great things seldom happen without overcoming obstacles and hurdles.

One needs a mind that is driven, determined and resolved to face these things. That’s where mental toughness comes in handy.

When you strengthen your mind, you grow your confidence in your ability to face these battles. Mental toughness allows you to deal with pressure and stressors more effectively.

Studies have even shown that working on mental strength can lead to great life satisfaction and help protect you against mental health issues.

How do you become mentally tough?

Can anyone develop better mental toughness? Yes, students, parents, young and old, all can grow their minds. However, developing mental strength takes time, patience and endurance.

Before I tell you how to develop it, first you need to recognize the mental toughness you already have.

Ask yourself – when is a time I’ve been resilient? Shown strong willpower? Stood my ground in the face of a challenge?

Evaluate how that resilience helped you and celebrate your past victory. You are mentally strong. You can push through the unexpected and difficult moments.

Now tell yourself why these victories matter. Remember this the next time you feel weak and incapable of succeeding.

After you’ve recognized the strength that you already have, here’s how to continue growing it:

• Keep a positive attitude. Optimism is crucial when cultivating your mental stamina.
• Try to challenge yourself daily by practicing a skill that you haven’t fully mastered. Small challenges help you learn how to face bigger ones.
• Shift your perspective and view obstacles as learning experiences. Ask yourself what a problem can teach you.
• Be brave and afraid. You can have both emotions at once. It’s okay to have a mix of both! Just know that you can do it even if you are unsure.

Take it one step at a time

Mental toughness helps reduce the fear of failure. While it doesn’t guarantee success, it helps you prevail over moments of loss or other challenges.

You can strengthen your mind just one step at a time. Here are a few steps you or your teen can take:

Acknowledge your feelings: Make sure you regularly stop and ask yourself how you’re doing throughout the day. Take note of if you’re feeling anxious, happy, upset, or whatever it might be.

Checking in with yourself helps you to acknowledge your emotions and be more in control of them.

You should also practice being self-compassionate: Learn to quiet your inner critic and instead be kind and gentle with yourself. Treat yourself with the same compassion that you would give to a dear friend.

Don’t beat yourself down over a bad quiz grade. You can be your own biggest cheerleader.

Be sure to give yourself grace: Put simply, giving yourself grace is centered on showing yourself forgiveness.

No one is perfect. As a parent, I know I saw my teens struggle to let go of mistakes when they happened. It’s so important to know that we all mess up, and we all are just trying our best.

When obstacles come, mentally assess the challenge: Just breathe deeply and see what it is all about. Ask yourself if this is a true catastrophe or if it is an inconvenience.

By pausing to look at a challenge first, you mentally feel more capable of handling it.

Finally, take it one step at a time. Are there challenges you’ve been avoiding? That you just don’t know what to do about them?

Mental toughness doesn’t mean you can tackle a huge obstacle all at once. Rather, it means taking one step at a time to defeat it.

As a parent and a life coach, I’ve seen how vital it is to encourage teens on these things and tell them that they can overcome.

I try to display my own mental strength to be an encouraging example. By doing this, teens see how they can grow their mind and see their capacity to achieve. They learn how to have the confidence and courage to believe in themselves.

Success comes to those who first tell themselves that they can do it.

Mental Toughness-the muscle of greatness

Gale McKoy Wilkins is a wife, mom, grandparent and family life coach. She is the founder of Project Arrow, an evidence-based peer-to-peer and leadership program teaching middle, high school and first-year college students how to deal with trauma and crisis using life coaching. It's the first life coaching organization in the state to receive funding from the Department of Public Instruction and the first to implement life coaching in a school setting.