Amanda Lamb: When the empty nest is full
Over the holidays, we got a real opportunity to see what it’s like when you adjust to empty nesting only to have the little birds come home again for a MONTH.
Let me be clear, I adore my girls. As they grow into adulthood, I enjoy their company even more as I watch them blossom into the amazing women I know they are destined to be. I was so excited about them coming home, but also a little anxious.
We’ve developed a fairly quiet nest with just the two of us at home. Dinner might be leftovers, appetizers at one of our favorite local haunts, or even cereal on occasion. We don’t always make plans to “do something” on the weekends, as we like to go with the flow and see what comes up. We empty the dishwasher and the trash about once a week, and the washing machine is never occupied when I want to throw in a load – but when the birds fly home, it all changes.
The beautiful, frustrating, invigorating energy that is a family came sweeping back into our home in December like a hurricane. It was at once awesome and daunting. I was reminded what it’s like to pick up after four people instead of just two. I was also reminded of how fun it is to sit around the dinner table as a family and trade stories, how fun it is to play games together, watch movies together, and yes, sometimes argue together.
I now know what my mother meant when she said she was always exhausted after our visits together. The pace you keep with your kids, no matter what their ages, is always at a much higher speed than the pace we keep as empty nesters. The one big change – with the exception of work, now when my kids are home from college, I want to be with them every second I can. I soak up their presence like I did the sweet smell of them when they were babies, hanging on every single moment of togetherness.
When they were little and I was exhausted from a long day of work, my youngest daughter would beg me to play Barbies with her as soon as I walked in the door. I would drop everything, drop to the floor, and enjoy our time together no matter what else I was supposed to be doing. This hasn’t changed. Saturday, I was lying on the couch in front of the fire with the dog, wrapped up in a warm blanket watching a movie. The same daughter asked me to go shopping with her for outfits for her upcoming dance show. I didn’t hesitate even though I was very comfortable on the couch. It meant spending more time with my daughter.
The push and pull of the empty nesting years is a new feeling for me – the pull to bring them home, the push to let them fly. We are all muddling through it together – re-upping old routines (I am still unloading the dishwasher daily) and coming up with new ones (my older daughter cooks!). And when they leave, I know there will be a quietness that I crave that will give way to a restlessness that makes me want to jump in the car and go see them. In a way, it is the lifelong balance between parenting and self, and most of the time, parenting wins.
Amanda is a mom of two and an author of several books including some on motherhood. She is also a WRAL reporter and successful podcaster. She began writing Go Ask Mom columns in January 2010 and took a short break in late 2021. Now, you can find her posts monthly on Go Ask Mom.
