Alzheimer's: Mom was my No. 1 fan
My daughter’s senior prom took place in April. As I rushed around town on last minute errands – picking up corsages and heel inserts for her shoes – my mind kept drifting back to my mom.
I remember my junior prom, when I envisioned a dress like the one my mom’s older sister had worn to hers. Somehow Mom located the perfect shop, and we found the dress of my dreams. Senior year my mom came up with the perfect accessories for a dress she had found through her co-workers. (Full confession, this was the 80s. I wore a black dress with silver pumps and black stockings that had a silver seam up the back. Mom and I both thought it was most gorgeous ensemble ever.)
We all need a cheerleader. The person who understands how important those prom dresses are, one who will support us even when no one else gets it.
Like my ill-fated year as a vegetarian. Mom was afraid I’d starve, which was not unjustified as I hated beans and mainly ate French fries during those months. She took me to the grocery store on a visit home and stocked me with frozen food unfamiliar to her. (This was in the days before every store had a big vegetarian section.)
She understood when no one else did and even when she did not, she supported me anyway. When I announced I was going to Colorado, alone, to work on a dude ranch for the summer, unbeknownst to me, Mom called the local Better Business Bureau to check them out and then called the ranchers herself. I didn’t realize until I had a daughter myself what worries my adventures put her through.
Mom kept that close connection with me even through dementia. She always loved on me. There is video Dad captured of us dancing together at her memory care facility, at one point her taking my face in her hands. At moments like that, we connected. She clung to me and I to her.
My mom also understood and connected with her extremely creative granddaughter.
I think that was one of the hardest things about losing Mom, losing the one person who loved me more unconditionally than anyone else on earth. There’s just something special about a mom.
As I journey with my own soon to be college-bound daughter, I try to pay that forward and be that champion for her. There are so many special things that a mother and daughter just “get” with each other.
When my daughter fell in love with a $20 vintage dress at a summer sale, we bought it. I found a tailor that could make a few adjustments (alterations like that are beyond my sewing skills). And when Alicia wanted to dye the dress pink for prom and did the research on materials to do it, I dove in with her. It will go down as a favorite memory for me, watching her dip that dress in a container our deck, with me acting as assistant and clean-up crew.
We knew there was a chance we would ruin that delicate dress, but we both shrugged our shoulders and made the leap together. The result was a beautiful dress that thrilled Alicia and made her senior prom extra special.
I’m so thankful I had a mom who would take leaps like that with me, and I’m blessed to be able to pass down that same love and understanding to my daughter.
Helpful Resources:
Andrea Osborne is Capitol Broadcasting Company’s director of content. She has daughter in high school and recently lost her mother who had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. She will be sharing her family’s journey here on WRAL’s family section.
