Inconceivable: Setbacks

In an earlier post, I referenced what a normal fertility treatment cycle looked like for us. While that might have been "normal" a month ago, things change a lot when you are dealing with a fertility issue. 

My doctors recently upped my dosage of Letrozole, a medication that is used to stimulate ovulation, to 12.5 mg daily for eight nights. Instead of giving me more follicles and eggs, I ended up with only one egg and I ovulated way too early (day 4 maybe?).

I found out when I went in for my cycle day 11 follicle ultrasound. I was fully expecting to see at least two eggs and be scheduling an IUI the next day. Instead, I felt like someone had kicked me in the ovaries.

We had lost our shot. After all of the medicine and its side effects (hot flashes, mood swings, nausea, headaches, etc.), I had nothing to show for it. I had lost another month.

I broke down in the doctor's office. Through tears I begged the doctor to explain to me what we were doing wrong? Why wasn't my body cooperating with the drugs?

She explained that our bodies sometimes just do what they want to do. I probably had an overly eager egg that was just ready to roll and shoved the other eggs out of the way.

Next cycle, she said, we can reduce the Letrozole and add in some injectables (yay, shots). The shots will directly stimulate the ovaries to create more eggs.

It took me a few days to come to terms with the fact that we missed this month. And that our next step involved me giving myself shots. My husband has a needle aversion and would probably pass out if he had to do it.

All I had to do was wait for a period. And then on day 18 of my cycle, I started spotting. I never spot. I never start a period that early. I knew something was wrong. So I found myself at the fertility doctor again - for another ultrasound. She found two cysts on my left ovary.

Pending blood tests, she was thinking that my bleeding was due to the cysts and I would likely need to go on birth control pills for a few weeks to regulate my hormones. Another setback. Another delay. Another thing my body wasn't doing right.

She sent me to get my blood drawn and things just went downhill. The blood draw is usually pretty easy there, except this time my veins weren't cooperating. They tried both arms and my wrist. I lost track of the times they had to stick me. I know it was more than four. At one point, they had to wiggle the needle to hit a rolling vein. And even when they did find a vein, my blood would barely come out and then stopped. 

I ended up having to drink two bottles of water, cover my arm and hand with a hot compresses and swing my arm and hand around every few minutes to stimulate circulation.

I was walking around the examination room just wondering how the day could get any worse when that Rascal Flatts' song "Bless the Broken Road" came on the radio.

"Every long lost dream led me to where you are/And others who broke my heart they were like northern stars pointing me on my way into your loving arms/ This much I know it's true/That God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you."

I started crying. I'm praying that these setbacks are just helping to shape that broken road on the path to growing our family. It is just so hard to see a positive outcome when you keep getting hit with negative results.

It took three nurses to get my blood that day. I cried the entire drive home.

Two weeks later, another ultrasound showed that the cysts are still there. So, we are sidelined for at least a month.

Have you ever dealt with cysts or other setbacks? How did you get through the waiting and frustration?

Kathy is a mom of one and Out & About editor for WRAL.com. She writes weekly for Go Ask Mom about her experience with secondary infertility.