Slow Dancing Their Way Out of Arguments

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Sara Blakely and Jesse Itzler were married Oct. 18, 2008, at the Gasparilla Inn in Boca Grande, Florida, before 400-plus guests. They live in Atlanta with their four children, ages 2 through 8.

Blakely, now 47, was introduced to Itzler, now 49, at a charity poker tournament in Las Vegas in 2006, but even before they met she felt an unexplainable energy and connection to him.

“I saw this man walking through the casino, I felt drawn to him,” said Blakely, who is the founder of Spanx and a past judge on the TV show “Shark Tank.” “Growing up, while my friends were crushing on Andy Gibb, I had one on Gene Wilder, and he kind of reminded me of him.”

Blakely and Itzler were officially introduced later that evening by a sales rep from Marquis Jet, who had been trying to play Blakely’s matchmaker for two years. (Itzler was then the owner of Marquis Jets and was the host of the charity event.)

“I couldn’t believe it was the guy I’d recognized earlier that day,” she said. “I had a feeling I would end up with him.”

And that’s what happened. For the next six months they exchanged texts. When Blakely ended a relationship with the man she had been seeing for a year and a half, Itzler was quick to ask her out. Blakely politely declined, stating, “It was too soon.”

A few months later they met again at another charity function, this time on her turf, in Atlanta. Soon after, they started dating. A year went by. They bought an apartment in Manhattan.

In March 2008, Itzler got down on one knee on the street near the Time Warner building, pulled out a gold band from his pocket and nervously asked Blakely to marry him.

“He had been single for 40 years so this was a big deal for him,” she said.

When they entered their apartment, Itzler had five other rings, hidden scavenger-hunt style, throughout the home. The last was an emerald cut diamond engagement ring.

One of us will reach out for the other; there’s no music. It takes us out of the moment and lets us be kinder.

Jesse is a very happy human. It’s real and beautiful and it’s who he is. He’s full of ideas and adventure and has this zest and love for life. I admire that.

Years ago my father said, “Marriage is the most important decision and the easiest one to make.” I didn’t understand that at the time but do now. The person you marry has the greatest impact on your daily happiness.

He’s very kind and has a good heart, but he’s not a good communicator of feelings. He doesn’t go deep on emotion. I’m the opposite so we balance each other. That’s gotten better over the years.

I’ve learned to communicate with sports analogies. If I tell him I’m sad, sometimes he just stares at me. That’s when I say, “Hit the ball back. Ask me why. Or tell me when you’ve been sad.”

When you’re married you have soul growth because everyday is a compromise. I’ve learned patience, acceptance and forgiveness.

I wouldn’t be lost without him. I don’t believe someone completes me. I was a whole person and felt comfortable on my own. So did he. We met each other and wanted to share our journeys. I’m glad I did. I have four little faces at the breakfast table every morning reminding how amazing that decision was and is.

Everything changes once you have kids, and I’ve learned a lot how to co-parent. You’re both co-pilots, and we come from a world where we have been our own pilots because of being entrepreneurs.

She’s an encyclopedia in marketing and business, and there are nuggets that rub off every day. She’s got good intuition. I realized that she’s usually right. She takes criticism really well; I don’t. She’s a processor; I’m an all-in guy. I’m uber spontaneous. She’s got to live with that. It’s part of the marriage and the process.

Marriage is a partnership, a friendship, a family and a work in progress. I got married older, so I was already at a second chapter in my life.

In your 40s, there’s a maturity around how you want to spend your time and who you want to spend your time with. When you have those answers, it makes marriage a little easier.

She’s a human adventure. There’s always excitement and newness. I have a very good understanding of what makes her tick and she has that for me.

And she allows me to do things I want to and vice versa. That takes away a lot of potential for resentment. We also understand each other’s needs.

We both share inner 8-year-olds. They both shine a lot. When you’re 8 and you meet someone you like, you want to bike together with that person all day. We’ve held onto that as adults.