Skyscraper: The most 'The Rock' of all The Rock's movies

This movie includes Dwayne Johnson (or “DJ” as I’m sure people who think they are his friends, but actually annoy the hell out of him, probably call him) doing chin-ups to save his daughter. I mean, he uses chin-up skills. There isn’t a chin-up contest to the death, although if there was, it would fit in perfectly with the tone of this movie.

Skyscraper opens with Dwayne on the SWAT team in an unnamed town, but there is a log cabin there, so maybe it’s in the Smokies? Anyway, Dwayne “The John” Rockson and his team arrive at a hostage situation just in time to see a guy detonate a bomb that kills his whole family and leaves our hero injured. He is wheeled into the hospital where we see Dr. Neve Campbell ready to perform surgery on him.

Then we cut to ten years later. Dwayne “John Rock” Theson is getting dressed for a big presentation. He puts on a suit and then goes to tie his shoes. That’s when we see he has a prosthetic leg. As you know, prosthetic body parts earn you 100 extra hero points in these kinds of movies.

Oh, he’s married to Dr. Neve Campbell now, and they have kids. Rock and Neve seem happy. They make out in front of their kids a lot, which is a weird trend in movies lately. The family either lives or is on vacation in Hong Kong.

That’s never really made clear. I mean it’s clear they are in Hong Kong. For how long though? That we may never know.

John “The Rock” Dwayneson has been hired by the owner of a super high-rise building to make sure his building is secure.

Everything goes according to plan until our hero is double-crossed by a guy who looks like the Wal-Mart knock off of Adam Sandler. The Rock (I ran out of silly ways to say it), his one human leg and his one more-human-than-human leg must foil a plot to burn the building down and save his family.

Let’s not give anything else away. It’s not like it’s hard to figure out anyway.

Look, this reviewer feels no shame in saying I liked Skyscraper. I am a sucker for the Rock using his muscles to punch his problems away. In that sense, this is THE MOST Rock of all the Rock movies.

Skyscraper is a film that revels in the ridiculous. I mean, there’s a seen where The Rock walks along the outside of a building and is able to stick to walls because his hands are wrapped in duct tape. Plus, all of his witty quips are made when the character is all alone. It’s not exactly breaking the fourth wall, but it is an acknowledgment to the audience that we are in this thing together.

There is a class of movies that is legendary. Think about Citizen Kane or The Godfather or Psycho. They are undeniably some of the greatest movies ever made. Making a movie that is able to break into that class is easier than making a movie like Skyscraper. It’s the kind of movie that hits every beat it is supposed to perfectly and yet is still dumb as hell.

It’s not an action movie like Die Hard or Speed.

No, Skyscraper plays more like the spoof of those kinds of movies that The Simpsons would have done in its heyday, and that is exactly what a movie starring an ex-wrestler and about a guy with one leg trying to save his family from a burning skyscraper and called Skyscraper should be gunning for.