Renee Chou: Reveling in the hugs, kisses, love of a 4-year-old

When I was pregnant with Elsa, I was told over and over by friends, acquaintances and strangers about the unique love that takes over your heart once you become a parent. How the love you feel for your child is unlike any other love you’ve ever experienced: fierce, intense, and unconditional.

I thought I knew already when she was growing inside me. When I saw her and held her for the first time, I realized how severely I underestimated the depth of that love.

I also had no idea how much that love would reflect back at me.

My husband and I are blessed to have an extremely affectionate child. Our almost 4-year-old’s natural ability to express love surprises us and delights us. It’s not something that we consciously teach or preach. I really believe it’s an inherent part of her personality.

Early on, when Elsa was not even a year old, she would dole out kisses like confetti on New Year’s Eve. Back then, her kisses were wet and soppy because she didn’t close her lips all the way when they made contact.

She also had this endearing way of placing her hands on either side of my face and pulling me in to kiss me on the lips. I’d even try to turn my head so the kiss would land on my cheek, but she’d twist my face to make sure her lips met their target. Even now, when she climbs into my lap, she is a hurricane of hugs and kisses.

I wish I could remember the first time she said, “I love you.” Lucky for me, she says it often, and not just at bedtime. She’ll say it out of the blue.

“Mommy, I want to tell you something.” I lean in. “I love you.”

She’ll say it when we’re driving in the car. In the middle of dinner, when everyone’s quietly eating. At the park, burning off energy and then racing toward me at full speed. Those magic words: “I love you, Mommy. I love you, Daddy.” Unsolicited, spontaneous, and authentic. What amazes me is that on any given day, she is more likely to say “I love you” first. It fills my heart.

Our favorite expression of Elsa’s affection these days is what we call “the family hug.” It usually starts with my husband who wraps me up in a big bear hug whenever he comes home from work – or for no reason at all. Elsa always takes notice.

She immediately runs up to us: “Wait for me! Wait for me!” Then her little arms fiercely wrap around each of our legs as she eagerly joins in the embrace. Every time that happens, we hold each other a little tighter, so grateful for the three of us.

I’m writing all this down because I know there will come a day when she may be “too cool” for hugs and kisses with mom. She’ll push away my hand when I want to hold it. And as she reaches her teenage years, she’ll likely resist me, defy me and may even scream at me about how I’m ruining her life.

When that happens, I will remember this time when all my daughter wanted to do was spend time with me; how happy she was to see me whenever I picked her up from preschool; how she would tell me she missed me, if I was only gone for a quick errand.

I am in awe of her zest for affection. I see it when she hugs her preschool friends and the children of our friends. And when she hugs me, that physical transfer of unconditional love has the power to erase all the stress, frustrations and grievances of the day. It truly is a love unlike any other. I hear it, see it and, most importantly, FEEL it -- every day -- thanks to my affectionate dynamo of a daughter.