Renee Chou: A year after, 'we can't find a heartbeat'

One of my favorite features of Facebook is the “On This Day” notification – an instant throwback to the posts and pictures from that particular day from years past.

Many of the memories involve my daughter Elsa. They bring back into focus those everyday moments that have faded into the rearview mirror as we barrel through toddlerhood. Some of those moments are even forgotten, until the post reappears in my feed on its anniversary.

But some memories don’t require a Facebook notification to remind you what day it was.

I can’t believe it’s been a year already. A year ago today when I went to see my OBGYN for my 12-week pregnancy checkup and they told me the words, “We can’t find a heartbeat.” I felt shattered, empty, numb. I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore and I would still cry again. I took time off from work to grieve and to be with my family.

I couldn’t go back to work and go back on the air pretending like everything was normal. I wanted people to know. What I did not anticipate was the response. The post garnered an outpouring of support, kindness and love. Hundreds of you shared stories of your angel babies… as well as your rainbow babies (babies born after miscarriage, stillbirth or infant loss).

Your compassionate comments helped me get through the heartache. In fact, on days when sadness still washes over me and my mind drifts to what might have been, I often go back to that post. Your words are a source of strength for me.

Among the heartfelt condolences, prayers, and stories shared with me, one sentiment, offered by one lady who sent me a card, still resonates with me: to not let my sorrow over my loss rob me of the joy of Elsa.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of the miscarriage, but I know I can’t keep looking back. I don’t know what God’s plan is for us, but I am forever grateful of His gifts… my amazing husband and Elsa. And now others are experiencing their own miracles.

Another dear friend of mine, a woman who is a news anchor in another state, just shared the news that she and her husband are expecting a baby this fall. They have struggled with infertility for at least seven years. And now, they’re anxiously awaiting their little miracle… a boy!

When I was at the Southern Women’s Show last week, a woman came up to the WRAL booth and shared with me that she was pregnant thanks to IVF after she and her husband dealt with infertility. She thanked me for sharing my journey to parenthood. By doing so, she said it helped her to not feel so alone. Her first child is due in June.

It makes my heart INCREDIBLY happy thinking about the joy that awaits these couples … joy I longed to experience myself and now have with Elsa.

This week also happens to be National Infertility Awareness Week. If you’re longing to have a baby and you’re feeling frustrated, discouraged and heartbroken, know that you are not alone and you will not feel that way forever. Your family plans and timelines may not happen the way you expected or hoped. But there is hope.

I look at all these examples around me that prove good things do happen to good people, even after devastating loss and what feels like an eternity of time.

Just this week, I was asked to emcee the Raleigh Walk of Hope for Infertility in September. Of course I said yes! I am truly honored. I will do anything to help ease the pain and burden of those walking the path of infertility.

And so this lengthy post is going on Facebook. Next year, and each successive year, when I get my “On This Day” notification for this day, I can read, reflect and know that I got through it. And perhaps more importantly, that every day is a chance to make new memories.