Presence over presents

“Buy the perfect toy for Little Suzy while the price is right! But while you’re at it, based on your browsing history, here are some perfect ideas for YOU, too!”

I am the product of a mother who sewed most of my childhood clothes herself and when we did get store-bought items, it was often only when they were on sale. As a parent myself now, there is a lot of good to say about growing up within these tight financial parameters.

But even though my head knows that, this morning, when my children mentioned, "It's Cyber Monday!" I found myself immediately thinking of just how much I could SAVE if I bought everything TODAY.

Instead I paused. I reflected on the simple and lovely hours our family spent with extended family in Charlotte for Thanksgiving. Packed into my parent's cozy den doing a 500-piece puzzle while watching the original animated versions of Frosty and The Grinch was so much more enjoyable than looking for parking at Southpark Mall had been earlier in the day.

"No more gifts," both my extended family and my husband's said to us, "except for the children."

But isn't gift-giving a way of expressing love?

What are other ways?

An older friend recently showed me a small box her children and grandchildren had filled with shells found at a family reunion at the beach. Each person in her family had signed one shell. Priceless.

For my mother's seventieth birthday, her children and grandchildren drew pictures, scribbled messages or detailed memories on 70 slips of paper. I imagine--if my mom ever goes to Assisted Living, this gift will take priority over any book from the Barnes and Noble top-twenty shelf.

I was listening to Stanford neurosurgeon and author Mark Doty be interviewed by Krista Tippett recently and he said (and this has been proven) that 80% of our thoughts consist of ruminating on the past or worrying about the future. I'm honestly surprised it's not higher—especially as we age and assign more brain real estate to tasks we do on autopilot, such as hitting the sales before the holidays.

What if this year we did something different?

When our kids were little, my husband's brother Bryan and Bryan's wife Hilary started bringing silly games to our house for the holidays instead of gifts, or rather, as their gifts. We took turns racing from one side of the house to the other with red pom-poms stuck to our noses with vaseline. We broke into teams to build the highest cup pyramid. We held dance-off's with outrageous, homemade costumes. We played "Guess that object" with items Hilary had scouted thrift shops for all year. Last year, my husband dressed as a human pinata, giving everyone plastic bats to knock off the candies glued to his sweat shirt.

Who knows what we'll do this year? What I do know is it won't involve lots of shiny, new presents, but it will undoubtedly involve something more memorable, that will be given with a fair amount of laughter and love.