More confident, less isolated: Local program provides parenting support for all

Monica Richardson founded Triangle Area Parent Support in 2016 to create a system of social support for new parents.

Posted 12:42 a.m. Jun 28, 2021 — Updated 12:42 a.m. Jun 28, 2021

Sara Davison

, founder of Kinly

Editor's note: Sara Davison is founder of Kinly, a Triangle-based parenting platform designed to support parents to be and parents of littles through access to expert support, education and community care.

Monica Richardson is a passionate educator and supporter of families. With a background in nonprofit management and education, she works to empower families to make the system work for them. She and her husband and three kids live in Apex where they love visiting the library, swimming on their neighborhood team, hiking, and spending time with friends and neighbors.

She founded Triangle Area Parent Support, or TAPSNC, in 2016 to work toward creating a system of social support for new parents like the one she found when life swept her across the country right before the birth of her first child. Here's her Q&A.

Sara Davison: Tell us about Triangle Area Parenting Support and why you started it.

Monica Richardson: TAPS is really all about creating a strong foundation of support for families before crises hit. Of course, no one wants to plan for bad things to happen, but inevitably life will throw you a challenge that you’ll need help to overcome.

Let me give you an example from my own life. When I was six months pregnant, I moved to the other side of the country. I had one friend in this new city. I watched a lot of YouTube while I waited for her to be born. And yet, defying the odds, I had a perfect birth story with an amazing doula and headed home within 48 hours. Everything was glorious.

Three weeks into mothering, I went to my first Program for Early Parent Support, or PEPS, group. I met other moms with infants the same age as mine. We bonded. We met up for playdates and moms' night out. We talked about careers and politics, and philosophy. Life was pretty good ... until it wasn’t.

One week, one of the moms in my PEPS group shared her story about dealing with postpartum depression. Afterwards, we chatted more and I realized that I needed to have an honest conversation with my doctor about my mental health. I got the help I needed because of my friend Lorraine, who gently suggested that perhaps the feelings I was having weren’t normal and that help was just a phone call away. She even offered to watch my daughter while I went in to speak with my provider. A true friend for life.

Sara Davison: What does a TAPS program look like, what do parents learn and how are they supported during the program?

MR: All of our programs are adapted from the PEPS curriculum. This is a researched-based curriculum that builds on families strengths and helps ensure that every participating family has the basic elements of a strong framework of protective factors already growing from the very beginning. We use a four-week version for our prenatal program, a 10-week version for our newborn program, and an eight-week version for our community-based programs.

In each program, we spend time each week sharing the joys and challenges of parenting with an emphasis on the process parents are using to reflect and reduce stress in their daily lives. Then we do a few activities with the babies during what PEPS calls the developmental moment, take a nice long social break to facilitate authentic relationship building, and finally each week we discuss a vital parenting topic.

One of the basic tenants of PEPS is trusting parents to make the best choices for their families knowing that every child is different and every family has different values. Some people have said that it’s like taking a parenting class, group therapy, and a play group all rolled into one.

*A note on program fees. I’ve literally never said no to a scholarship application. We believe that if you can’t afford to pay a program fee you should not have to. We also believe that if you can afford to, you should. And we trust parents to be the expert on that for themselves.

Sara Davison: What are the benefits of a program like TAPs, and what do you hear from parents who have been through the program?

MR: Research shows that families who participate in parenting groups like PEPS experience less isolation, have more confidence, have a better relationship with their partner, and so much more! There is literally no downside. And, in the long run, participating in a PEPS group creates one of the most important protective factors that a family needs to weather a crisis – their social network.

We are really looking to encourage growth for parents in two main areas – their social networks and their confidence in themselves. By the end of each group almost all the parents we serve are reporting (on their post-group survey) that they feel more confident in caring for their child and feel less isolated as a result of participating in their PEPS group. I really love hearing from them one and two years later as they share stories of how their groups continue to gather to learn, connect, and grow together

Here’s another personal example: After I had my second child, we experienced the kind of illness that really strikes panic in a parents’ heart. At first I just thought he had a bit of a cold. No big deal, right? When I noticed his color turning a bit pale, I knew we needed help. We had done the health and safety topic with our PEPS group years before – so I called another PEPS mom who confirmed my suspicion that he wasn’t getting enough oxygen. I texted my PEPS group and the church group that we had joined as well. We had just arrived in the ER when we got a text back from one of the dads saying, “I have a pizza for you and I’m on the way – which ER room are you in?”

Over the next week while I stayed by my newborn son’s side, our community of support brought me lunch, sat with me, comforted me, provided childcare for our older child so my husband could go to work and so on. Without this community of support it’s likely that we could have lost our jobs, drained our savings, and burnt ourselves out trying to care for our son.

This past year as the pandemic has wreaked havoc on families all over the country we keep getting reports from families we’ve served over the last 5 years that their groups have been a source of life-giving encouragement. A couple of families actually reached out to share how much their group provided emotional and physical support when they had received a COVID diagnosis and even when one of their children was hospitalized.

Almost every parent that shares their story with us tells us how much they appreciate the consistency that helps them actually build long term relationships with the other parents in their group.

Sara Davison: What is a key takeaway you would like to leave readers with?

MR: That community that you know you need doesn’t have to be difficult to build. We really take the hard work out of it for you. It will take time, consistency, and a commitment on everyone’s part and it’s absolutely worth it because all new families deserve support, friendship, and community during what many parents describe as the most challenging transition of their lives as well as the most important years of their little one’s life.

Expecting parents and parents with littles under age 3 can sign up for a group on the website at www.tapsnc.org and can find more information on TAPSNC and other services at www.kinly.co.

Go Ask Mom features local moms every Monday.

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