Mom on Faith: Making a resolution to do right
Posted January 25, 2011 8:30 p.m. EST
Updated January 26, 2011 7:12 a.m. EST
The end of 2010 was quite a crazy time for our family. There were big changes, heartbreak, and glimmers of light. We had good times and happy times and hard times. To say that I struggled would be an understatement. Often, I found myself feeling encouraged by uplifting passages while at the same time, not allowing the challenging verses to move me.
Have you done that? I call it Bible fortune-telling. Maybe we read a verse or something seems really pertinent and are moved. Days later, we flip the Bible open again and point to a verse just knowing that we'll have divine inspiration. It's a silly practice and while sometimes it might be uplifting, the idea is akin to reading a horoscope for any month and gleaning hope from it. I mean, they apply to all of us. Who wouldn't want to hear, "You struggled this month, but things are going to look up for you"? So then, if my faith can be reduced to a fortune, what is it really doing for me?
Moreover, what am I doing for my faith?
On our way home from Christmas vacation, my son broke his leg. We cried and we prayed and we got him the care he needed, but I was struck during this time. I knew I believed what I was saying and praying to God, yet it all felt so foreign to me. I almost felt like a stranger in church for the first time.
My journey of faith is like many others, I would guess. I might even say most of us have similar inner-turmoil on a daily basis. We are, after all, human. We are built to question and doubt and match all the pieces together to create a finished puzzle.
But that isn't how faith works. My God wouldn't be God if I could figure him out. If I could take a religion and mold it to my own life and my own standards, then it isn't really faith at all. It's merely opinion. And let's be honest, my opinion is not worth worshiping.
When I go over days and months and see my tendency to ebb and flow like this, I am comforted. Again, I am reminded of my smallness in a world I do not understand, surrounded by things I can't explain. I cling to my faith. I remember the still small voice that guides me and I am then free to worship in spirit and in truth.
In 2011, I have resolved to take my faith journey from an inner struggle to outward living. As a blogger, much of my life is spent being introspective. But that isn't how my faith should be. As a Christian, I am called to help and serve my neighbors. Instead of wondering if I am "doing it right," it's time to take a step out and love people.
This year, I plan to do just that.