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Bill Leslie's Carolina Conversations

Why Men Are Happier

Posted July 19, 2007 7:24 a.m. EDT

Men are just happier because....... It's the title of a humorous essay sent to me by a viewer. Author unknown. I don't want to offend anyone or turn this into a battle of the sexes. I'd just like to have some fun. Feel free to agree, disagree and offer counter arguments.

I would like this tongue-in-check essay to serve as a springboard for our Carolina Conversations topic tomorrow: "North Carolinians Are Just Happier People Because.........."

But first from an anonymous humorist:

"Men Are Just Happier People" . . . .

What do you expect from such simple people? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never get pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. Heck, you can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress: $5000. Tux rental: $100.00. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is not only appreciated by your friends, but practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

A five day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more then enough. You almost never have strap problems in public.You're unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life.

Your belly usually hides your hips. One wallet, one pair of shoes, and one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th. in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier