Life After College: It's OK to Mess Up Because We All Do

I had a tightknit group of friends throughout college — until I broke the No. 1 girl code rule and dated one of the group’s exes. And not just a dated-for-a-couple-of-months ex, but a been-together-for-years-ended-with-heartbreak ex. Those friendships were destroyed for a relationship that did not even last. It has taken years of forgiving myself to get to a place where I can think about that entire situation without cringing. I guess the biggest lesson I gained from that experience is how resilient we can be if we let ourselves. Also don’t date your friends’ exes — so dumb. — Julia Brennan, 29, Egg Harbor Township, New Jersey.

At 21, I had just gotten a financial aid refund check from college to couple nicely with my savings from my summer internship. For the first time in my life, I had money to blow and hardly any responsibilities, aside from rent, of course. So I bought a smoothie from the corner every day, a new computer station to replace my old one and some fresh kicks because — why not? But then my work contract expired a few months later. There I was bumming off my family for rent money. I’ve since learned better money management skills and to prioritize building up an emergency fund for a rainy day — or months, in my case. — Terrick Adolphe, 24, Atlanta

One of my first years in college, I overdrew my checking account during the Christmas break and called my mom to ask for money. Instead of giving me money, she said, “Poverty builds character. This is a great lesson, honey.” So I ended up having to go to the welfare office and apply for food stamps, which if you haven’t done it, I would recommend to every American. It was humiliating and time-intensive, and I gained a lot of empathy for parents who had to have their little kids waiting in this office for hours. In the end I received $17 of food stamps to get me through the month and a huge motivation to never end up in that situation again. — Dulcie Ford, 45, Placerville, Colorado.

I was one of the first in my family to go to college. I wanted to be a counselor, and my mentors told me to get a master’s. I was so excited to start graduate school and eventually live on my own. Ever since I was a little girl, I had dreamed not about getting married or having kids, but about buying my first home by 30. But when I was applying to graduate school, I forgot to include a required document, and my application was dismissed. I had to take a year off and live back at my parents’ in my small hometown. I felt trapped. But that year taught me more than I expected. I was substitute-teaching in classrooms filled with beautiful brown faces, and I got to be their role model. They were used to having white teachers, not a Ms. Chavez.— Nohemy Chavez, 31, San Jose, California.

I failed out of medical school, despite a previously stellar academic record. Although I had studied as hard as I could, I think my subconscious was telling me that I was in the wrong career, and that I had chosen medicine because of societal and parental pressures. The process of failing out was possibly the worst time of my life to date, but also, a bit of a relief.— Grace Kim, 29, New York

I had many partners and was careless about using protection. I never got pregnant, but I got HPV, along with other STDs. My doctors worried about my risk for cancer so I ended up having two procedures for cervical dysplasia (precancerous cells) — one on my 22nd birthday. I became infertile from all of this (or at least had reduced fertility). At the time I would have been a bad mother, but I changed. Sadly, at a young age I blindly determined the rest of my life and removed the possibility of being able to conceive. I had fun with most of my partners, but unprotected sex wasn’t worth not having the ability to give birth to children if I wanted them.— Marni Chidsey, 47, Destin, Florida.

I had worked part time for a company near Cincinnati all through college. I enjoyed it, and felt confident they were good people. As I was nearing graduation, they were opening a new facility in Connecticut and offered me a job. I gladly accepted it, along with an advance on my salary for moving expenses. But shortly after I arrived, the managers reinterviewed me and cut my pay. It took me years to pay off the advance and be able to afford to leave Connecticut. What I learned was to get the job offer in writing; otherwise the answer is no. Perhaps not coincidentally, I became a union rep.— Patty Ray, 57, Columbus, Ohio

I answered the phone for a job interview when I was on post-oral-surgery drugs and wasn’t allowed to move my mouth. But I did the interview anyway, without explaining anything about the surgery, the drugs or the self-imposed lockjaw. Needless to say, I did not get the job. The lesson? Be transparent about your own limitations, and wait, if possible, until you can put your best foot forward for an interview.— Katherine André, 34, New York

In my first “real job” out of college I mercilessly mocked my boss to all my colleagues when he wasn’t around, imitating his mannerisms, calling him names, etc. Turns out, word got back to him and he proceeded to make my next few months working there as miserable as possible until I was transferred.— Josef Hoffman, 37, Vancouver, Washington.

At the age of 24, after a typical night of drinking my way home from work waitressing, the freshly frozen sidewalk took me. I fell face first onto my front teeth. All of my front teeth were shattered. I was poor as any art student with no insurance, savings or credit. I sold bonds that were given to me as a child to help pay for my teeth to be remolded, which took eight years, all told. To this day, the pain, tragedy and physical and financial disaster remind me that I was lucky to have had nice employers and friends. I will never be able to buy a house or have money for retirement, but at least I can smile again after 10 years.— Kimberly Convery, 34, Portland, Maine.