Early and often: 7 steps for having discussions about underage drinking with your kids

As middle schoolers and high schoolers look toward fall homecomings and Halloween dances, there's an important discussion their parents should be having with them - talking with them about the dangers of underage drinking.

And while there have long been campaigns to prevent underage drinking, science, said Van Hecke, is providing parents with some great - and important - bullet points to pepper into any conversation.

"We know a lot more about brain development than we used to," he said. "The science has progressed very fast. And now we know that teenage or adolescent brains don’t fully develop until maybe their mid-20s. Anything that you do to stunt that development can cause problems in later life. It can be alcohol. It can be other substances. It might be other emotional issues or stress or things like that."

"We know that the use of alcohol can affect different parts of the brain," he said, "and, therefore, can cause significant problems for later in life. It will hurt the intellectual and emotional development of an adolescent, which kind of raises the stakes with why it’s important to deal with it now."

In North Carolina, studies show that teens usually start drinking sometime around 13 or 14 years old, so typically around eighth or ninth grade.

But here's some good news: Most young teens do not drink. About 65 percent of middle schoolers have never had anything to drink, Van Hecke said.

Campaign gives parents, teens hard, shocking facts to curb underage drinking

I checked in with Van Hecke to get some advice on how to have these conversations with your kids. Here are the seven tips he shared.

"There's a lot of good material out there," Van Hecke said. ""Educate yourself about underage drinking, brain development and the health danger."

"We talk about making healthy choices, brushing your teeth, getting enough sleep, eating well," Van Hecke said. "Well, another potential health concern is don't drink too early. And then, of course, there are the legal consequences of doing it. That can mess your life up."

Those first conversations might not have anything to do with an actual discussion you have with young children. Instead, it begins with your actions. Do you overdo it, yourself, with alcohol more than you'd like to admit? Do you drink a few - and drive home?

Your kids, Van Hecke said, are watching.

"Kids are aware," he said. "They are aware of what's going on around them. They see it on TV, they're on social media. They know some real life experiences."

By middle school, however, you should be having actual conversations about the risks of underage drinking. And, Van Hecke said, research shows kids do really want to hear from their parents on the issue.

According to studies, 84 percent of the state's middle schoolers believe parents talking with them about underage drinking will prevent it.

The answer, Van Hecke said, is simple: I'm an adult.

"You want to be honest with them," he said. "If alcohol is in the home, you need to talk about that and how we try, as adults, to use it responsibly."

And, he said, be careful about what you say as it relates to alcohol.

"Be careful when you come home and say, 'I'm tired, I need a drink,'" Van Hecke said. "That sends the wrong message."

"There's a genetic predisposition for addiction," Van Hecke said. "And it can skip a generation."

Be open about your family's issues, he said.

Tell them, "'There's a real danger there and I wanted you to know about that. That ought to be part of your decision when you are older and you decide that you may want to drink,'" Van Hecke said. "We don't want to hide that. We want to talk about it."

Make sure they know that you'll help them with no questions asked.

"Being able to talk about those situations is really important," Van Hecke said. "You’re going to your friends party, house for the weekend. What do you need to look out for? Did you have fun at the party? What did you do? Was there any alcohol there?"

After all, they have eyes and ears on your kids too. Why not tap into them to see what they're up?

"They can be a support group together," said Van Hecke, who tells his own story as a parent about a time when one of his kids was headed to a friend's house, only to find out that the parents weren't going to be there.

The campaign recently launched an ambassador program, which will come to schools, church groups and other organization to talk to parents about the dangers of underage drinking. Contact Van Hecke at 919-779-8338, email: jim.vanhecke@abc.nc.gov to learn more.

"That just recently started, and we're excited about it," Van Hecke said.