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Dinner disasters

Posted February 3, 2010 8:44 p.m. EST

Lynda Loveland

I remember the days when dinner used to be a relaxing event with engaging conversation, a glass of wine and warm food. And then came the kids...

Enjoyable dinners are few and far between. Take last weekend for instance. My husband and I made a nice dinner, even sat in the dining room and lit candles. We were in the kitchen getting our plates together when we heard the kids playing around. We told them to stop because something was bound to get spilled.

Sure enough, milliseconds later we hear, "Ah Caiden!” Caiden had spilled Campbell's bowl of melted butter all over her plate, the table, the chair and the floor. She also somehow managed to get candle wax all over her plate. Hmmmm.

So we ban Caiden to eat by himself in the kitchen as we try to clean up the mess. Campbell got up and dripped butter all through the dining room and kitchen. The dog tried to lick up the butter on the floor, so I shooed her away.

But of course her feet were covered in it so she just ends up Fred Flinstoning all over the wood floor. She eventually got her footing and ran upstairs. We knew where she was by following the buttery paw prints. After about 15 minutes of clean up, my husband and I finally sat down to a silent, cold, formerly baked fish dinner.

The very next night, we prepared another nice dinner, fish tacos and seafood pasta. We wanted to end the weekend on a good note, hopefully. The kids were in their seats, they were eating and we were fixing our plates. We hear an "uh-oh" behind us and turn around to find chocolate milk spilled all over the table and floor.

The amount of spatter from a cup of liquid when it hits the floor is truly amazing. It finds every nook and cranny on your table and chairs. It ends up being a chocolatey, milky mess with a diameter of about six feet. Of course the dog comes running and starts lapping up the milk. I'm thinking, OK, that lightens my load a bit.

But than it hits me, that's not just milk, that's chocolate milk. Crap!!! I chase the dog away thinking; she couldn't have gotten much, right? Everything seems fine. My husband and I finally sit down to eat. My first bite is hovering just inches from my mouth. I'm sooo ready to taste that delicious fish taco with avocado sauce. And than, breaking the non-silence, we hear, "Gross, Halee just yakked!"

That chocolate milk put syrup of Ipecac to shame. I felt like taking some at that point...

Look for Lynda, former WRAL-TV anchor and half of the Bill and Lynda morning show on Mix 101.5 WRAL-FM, here on Go Ask Mom every Thursday.