Go Ask Mom

Nia Harden: Are we done having children yet?

Now my daughter is heading to college, my son is in 2nd grade and I constantly find myself going back and forth, debating if it's the right time to have another child.

Posted Updated
Nia Harden
By
Nia Harden
, WRAL reporter
RALEIGH, N.C. — My husband has this idea in his head that in the next 11 years we will be sipping margaritas and traveling around the world, alone. Completely kid-free. We started having children at a very young age so he thinks it’s cool that parenting will be over well before 50. While the thought of traveling whenever and wherever sounds great, I always go back to that one question, “are we done yet”?

I’ve never been that person to estimate how many children I would have. I wasn’t planning to have the first one as early as I did. Being a teen mom, I had to grow-up and raise a child. I waited nearly 10 years before having my second because I wanted to be ready. Now my daughter is heading to college, my son is in 2nd grade and I constantly find myself going back and forth, debating if it’s the right time to have another child.

My kids say, “YES.” My husband feels blessed to have one girl and one boy and while he has not said 'no' to the idea of a third, I know he’s in limbo like me. We wrestle with these questions. If we have another, what will happen if my husband deploys? What about the big age gap between kids? Our daughter is going to college, will they be as close? Do we really want another child or is it just the thought of it?

At this point, many of you are probably thinking I should just have another if I’m considering a third. That was the plan, and then came COVID. My husband deployed just before the pandemic hit. Our plan was to roll the dice when he got back. When he returned, everything was different. You couldn’t go to doctors appointments with your spouse and you couldn’t be there while they were in labor. Several women talked about these difficult and heartbreaking experiences of their pregnancy journey. So, we decided it wasn’t the right time to take a chance.

Now that things are hopefully getting better, we’re considering it again. Still, so much has changed since the start of the pandemic. People I know with pandemic babies wonder when normal life will even start for their children. My son doesn’t even remember what a normal school experience is like and my daughter, her entire high-school experience has been altered. I don’t know what college will even look like for her a year from now.

What do you think? Should we roll the dice?

 Credits 

Copyright 2024 by Capitol Broadcasting Company. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.