Connections made in 'third place' rewarding for parents and children

After almost two years of pandemic and a month of quarantine and hibernation, 'third places' offer children a chance to play and parents a chance to connect.

Posted 5:29 p.m. Feb 1, 2022 — Updated 5:29 p.m. Feb 1, 2022

Tara Lynn

, WRAL contributor

It started with a question about the masks my kids were wearing.

It turned into two moms sharing our fears, doubts and dreams while surrounded by dozens of kids racing from activity to activity between masked, tired parents.

The indoor playspace Bumble and Brews was buzzing bigtime on Sunday morning. Parents were guzzling coffee, watching their children, who could hardly contain their excitement to be around other children, explore new toys and have a constructive way to burn off energy. So many of us have spent January in a hybrid of COVID quarantine and hibernation.

The interaction at an indoor play place is rewarding for parents and children.

My husband and I could read the tired eyes of other masked parents and give a sympathetic nod. We all were trying to survive this current chapter of parenthood mixed with a cold January and COVID surge. We walked in as strangers but could instantly connect through a glance or a raise of the coffee cup.

The 'third place' is where connection is created

These places are referred to as "third spaces" or "third places" in sociology, a place separate from work and home. You and I call them playgrounds, church, book club, the coffee shop or the gym. The Brookings Institute describes them as "locations where we exchange ideas, have a good time and build relationships." They are critical to creating strong communities, breaking down barriers and transforming strangers into allies and friends.

Connections that don't require the internet

We are fortunate to have so many indoor play spaces in the Triangle. We have local breweries where dog parents love to meet up. There are art galleries, museums, street festivals, open green spaces and events everywhere. But, over the last two years, so many of us have missed out on enjoying these third spaces due to coronavirus. Many of these places were forced to close, some temporarily, some permanently. Many of us have stayed home, too weary of contracting COVID. The isolation has taken a toll.

We are all yearning for a connection that doesn't involve a computer screen, yet sitting in the corner with our faces buried in our phones. We are in public, but not participating in our community.

Best indoor spaces for kids to play while mom works

A reminder we are more alike than different

It was easy to spot an extrovert like me in the crowd. Any chance I had to exchange words with another parent was like seeing the sunset for the first time. I reminded myself to rein it in a little. I didn't want to scare away parents not yet ready to dust off those small talk skills. Still, you could see how refreshing it was for parents to swap just a few words.

"Sorry!" I apologized for my 2-year-old (who only runs, never walks) sprinting in front of a younger child and quipped, "He's been locked in the house all of January!"

"Haha. Us too!" responds another mom.

"Thank goodness for coffee and wine."

"Definitely not enough of it!" chimes in another.

There was shared laughter and nods from other parents nearby.

But it was one conversation in particular that struck me and reminded me of just how important it is to talk to strangers! To "get back out there" to the places where we and our children can connect.

She wanted to know where we bought our masks. I don't quite remember how the conversation zigged and zagged, but soon we were talking about having more children and the emotional debate that seemed to be circulating in her mind. She had one son. I had three children. I shared about the moment I knew I wanted to try for a third baby. I was sitting in the nursery at church holding a sweet baby girl and just knew. I shared how hard it has been but also rewarding.

She shared her uncertainty about expanding her family and the pull and tug of wanting to be a great mom, but also to excel at her career.

"Yes! All of those feelings! I totally get it," I said.

As our children buzzed by us able to safely play, we could have an open and honest conversation about our lives. I don't think we even exchanged names. Yet we exchanged our hopes, our uncertainties and encouragement.

Had we stayed at home or been forced at home with all these wonderful meeting places shuttered, would we be drowning our thoughts in coffee? Scrolling through social media desperate to find a connection or a distraction?

That impromptu 10-minute conversation reminded me that we are all so much more alike than we are different. That a friendly smile can lead to conversation. That conversation can turn strangers into friends. I've known many people who have had these experiences, exchanged numbers and years later are still great friends.

I am so thankful for a "stranger" saying hello and for there being a space that naturally brought us together.

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