Burger review of the month: Char-Grill

You don’t really want to marry a supermodel. (Just set aside the fact that I did, accepting that there are exceptions to every rule.) And you certainly wouldn’t want to eat caviar and drink champagne at every meal with said super-spouse, would you? No, you wouldn’t. By the third meal, you’d be craving a burger and fries, and even if Heidi or Fabio (as the case might be) would join you for such common fare, you’d be at your wits’ end waiting while he or she primped for the outing.

No – what you really want in the long run is a reasonably and accessibly attractive mate who’s more than willing to throw on jeans and a T-shirt when your tummy rumbles to hit a good ol’ stand-by joint with you for a sure-thing 4.0 (out of 5.0) classic American cheeseburger and a few laughs.

Fives, you see, are the supermodels of burgers. They’re rare, fickle and high maintenance. Just about the time you fall in love with one, its personality will change as to become unrecognizable, if not downright hostile. I do not regularly pursue or profess my love for the burgers at Chuck’s or Mojoe’s (both rarified TSB fives) because I know that if I were to be so overt, I would be served stale Quarter Pounders faster than you can say yama-hama.

Fours, on the other hand, are the marryin’ kind. They’re not too fancy, but they look good, taste good, and can be counted on to treat you right time after time. Without effort, you can spend a little QT with them more than a couple of times a week without ever tiring of their company. In fact, over the years, you can form a deep and lasting bond that just grows stronger with every satisfying meal, eventually developing an unshakable trust. These are the burgers you want to commit to, even raise a couple of sliders with.