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Baby Steps: Not quite numb

A third round of test results is enough to push Christine over the edge.

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Christine Bowley
Christine Bowley

Round 3 is a total knockout.

For the third time in less than a year my husband went in for an analysis appointment and the results came back essentially the same – conceiving a baby may not be possible. Despite surgery, vitamins, calendar tracking, etc. our plans to become parents just shifted even farther out of reach.

I must admit, each time gets a little easier. It didn’t hurt like the first email I scrolled through to suddenly encounter a harsh “abnormal” conclusion. It wasn’t even like the second one when I had an expectation mixed with a glimmer of hope. This time I knew what was coming. The results didn’t even take my by surprise. What caught me off guard was that it still hurt. And while this wasn’t the worst – it might be the one that pushes me over the edge.

We are now looking for a new solution. My husband and I both agreed that this is not what we want. Neither of us can continue to be slaves to test results. We are moving on.

So we are now taking our first steps at exploring adoption. The process itself is in its infancy and we are very likely not done with doctors for good. But we can’t continue to spin our wheels. When my wheels are spinning, I want to go somewhere…

Christine is a news producer at WRAL-TV, which includes research for 5 On Your Side and producing the 10 p.m. weekend newscasts on Fox50. She lives with her husband and three dogs. Christine is chronicling her experience as she and her husband struggle with infertility. Find her here on Fridays.


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