Avoiding the Worst Thing on Musical.ly is a Missed Opportunity to Teach the Best Things

Porn is not the WORST thing on Musical.ly or YouTube or Instagram or Minecraft (yep, it's possible). But it's necessary that we coach kids, starting when they're rookies, to be their BEST selves online and off.

Posted 12:36 a.m. Mar 16, 2018 — Updated 12:36 a.m. Mar 16, 2018

Gail Marie

, The Social Institute managing editor

Editor's note: Gail Marie is managing editor at The Social Institute, which empowers students, parents, and educators to navigate social media positively.

Anastasia Basil’s 10-year-old daughter asked her to download the Musical.ly app so that “she can make funny lip-sync videos.” Before giving her daughter access to an app she’s unfamiliar with, Basil creates an account, looks around, and finds everything from porn and suicide threats to masturbation and anorexia videos. Her viral Medium post concludes, “My daughter’s fate is sealed: Next fall she will be one of the dorky kids with a flip phone.”

So far, more than 46,000 people have liked “Porn Is Not the Worst Thing on Muiscal.ly” on Medium, and the post has 138 comments. It made the rounds on Facebook and Twitter last week. Now it’s being referenced by news giants like CBS and ABC, usually reiterating Basil’s conclusion that social media is dangerous and the best thing parents can do is to keep their kids away from it for as long as possible.

If it were possible to shield kids from social media — from texting and online gaming to Instagram and Houseparty — before they have strong self-esteem, a clear sense of right and wrong, an ability to empathize with others, and build strong character, I’d be willing to consider supporting that option. But it’s not possible.

Nor is it possible to monitor their every move when it comes to social media and their devices. Kids are smart and can easily hide what they’re up to from their parents. So we need another game plan. We need to move from restricting to equipping. We need to move from helicoptering to huddling.

It’s the biggest game in the world

Think of social media as the biggest game in the world, one that you can win or lose with every post, share, like, follow, and comment. That’s how we think of it at The Social Institute. And we coach kids, parents, and educators on how to win the game by using social positively, for good, so that one day Basil’s daughter won’t easily find anything unsettling on Musical.ly, or any other platform.

We also stand behind her daughter’s request for Muiscal.ly and think an opportunity was missed to coach her to use it and other platforms she’ll want later on for good.

Coach her to live up to high standards

The Social Institute’s social standards can be applied to every social media platform available today and in the future because they can be applied to life, period. And for tweens and teens, that’s what social media is. It’s just their way of being social.

All of Basil’s specific concerns can be addressed by these standards. Here, we address four.

Huddle often

“[Y]our kid’s brain is half-cooked. Think carefully of that vulnerability before you hand over the online keys.”

Absolutely. That’s why huddling, having one-on-one conversations about social media, is so important. Coach down to kids as the rookies they are and let them coach up to you when possible. Learn from each other. Have hard conversations that make you both uncomfortable. Basil could use this opportunity to start now so that, as the scenarios her daughter will have to navigate on social get increasingly complex, she will feel comfortable coming to Basil for advice. She will trust that her mom won’t overreact or judge her.

Play to your core

“The worst thing is watching little kids (as young as eight) sexually objectify themselves. The kids who get it right (the tweeny Kardashians) gain followers. The kids who get it wrong — those not “sexy” enough, funny enough, savvy enough — are openly ridiculed in the comment section.”

Basil’s daughter could be coached that, believe it or not, people equate what you do online — not just what you post but who you follow, others’ posts you like, and what you say in your comments — with who you are. So, she must share and support only what reflects her values, goals, and interests to protect and strengthen her reputation.

Build a strong team and protect your privacy

“Most parents are careful about who and what their child is exposed to. Setting your child’s account to private may make him invisible, but he’s there, fully present, taking it all in.”

The default Musical.ly profile setting is public; changing it to private means Basil’s daughter can accept or decline follower requests and will only receive messages from her approved followers. Yes, she can still see posts tagged #cutter or #selfhate. But those posts will not show up in her Musical.ly feed because she chose to follow only people she knows in real life and, perhaps, public positive role models.

Strike a balance

“Eight- to 12-year-olds average four hours a day [on any screen], teenagers clock significantly more. What happens when these kids enter society as adults? Who will they become if they were never given...the opportunity to draw from the rich, complex world around them?”

Basil’s daughter could be coached to prioritize her real-life responsibilities before having fun online. After all, when we spend time doing things that aren’t helping us reach our goals, we aren’t moving forward. An important part of that propulsion, however, may be taking advantage of the rich, complex world around her via social media.

Cyberback others

“I saw this comment beneath a #suicide video: ‘u r beautiful plz dont kill urself im only 10 but i will b ur friend.’ Kids should be watching witty cartoons, riding bikes, making slime, doing art, playing Minecraft, learning chess, and boring us with bad magic tricks. They shouldn’t be stopping other kids from killing themselves.”

The 10-year-old in this example hasn’t yet been taught to help cultivate a culture of safety. She and Basil’s daughter could be coached to Stop, Block, Screenshot, and Talk to an adult when — not if — she sees something alarming on any social media platform. And how much better to see it with mom nearby, maybe even looking over her shoulder, that first time.

Take advantage of every coaching opportunity

We’ve surveyed over 5,000 students around the country since August 2017, and kids tell us that they think they know more about social media than their parents do. It’s probably true! This, too, is a coaching opportunity — for them to coach YOU.

What you can teach them about character and safety is made even more applicable when you understand the platforms they’re using most, and why. Sure, do your own research, but ask the expert in your own home, too. Ask what they like most about Houseparty, which celebrities they follow on Instagram, and how they play with others onFortnite (up to 99 others!).

Basil is correct: Porn is not the WORST thing on Musical.ly or YouTube or Instagram or Minecraft (yep, it’s possible). But it’s necessary that we coach kids, starting when they’re rookies, to be their BEST selves online and off.

Gail Marie manages content for The Social Institute's Social Locker Room, a digital platform that equips parents to help their children win at social media. The Social Institute is based in Durham, North Carolina, and Gail writes mainly from her remote office in Maui.

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