Interview: Barbara Corcoran describes family's struggles with Alzheimer's disease

Um if you don't mind Barbara I'd love for you

just to take me back to the beginning uh with

your mother

What was the first sign that something was wrong Well

I guess it happened maybe 9 years before she died

and we just thought that she had old people's disease

which is to become more forgetful about her keys her

names could grovel with things uh but I found out

that she was diagnosed very shortly after that 2 years

later with Alzheimer's

And once she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's I felt I

knew what to expect because her mother had Alzheimer's and

she lived with us when we were

Being raised so I knew all the signs and where

it would track but the difference between my grandmother and

my mother was attracted very differently

My mother went in short order from a very like

a love bug who had love and kindness for everyone

very organized could accomplish anything

She was a real powerhouse

She went from that to a person we just couldn't

even recognize and it happened gradually

She started crying a lot

She had irritability all

Time restless as she wandered she was shouting and we

were like who is this lady you know this is

this is a strange kind of Alzheimer's but we never

reported her to the doctor and said is there something

else going on here And there really was something going

on

I wish I had known that there's a separate but

related condition called agitation in Alzheimer's dementia and the signs

of it or the symptoms of it are very different

and my mother tracked that way

So I would really like to get the word out

to as many people who just don't even think it's

something strange about that

I've learned that half the people who have Alzheimer's show

signs of of this of this illness or condition and

that's very important for people to know because they could

change their caregiving ability for the people they love

Uh what did it feel like for you as her

daughter to find out that it was Alzheimer's When it

was Alzheimer's it felt like a a death warrant a

long march to nothingness without any hope at all

With Alzheimer's what's terrible is there is no cure for

it so you just have to wait it out and

stay the course and see it diminish the individual you

love

It's like a I would say like a slow death

really a slow death of personality

And of the physicality of the person

It was so sad

I fortunately had 9 brothers and sisters and we divvied

up the responsibilities of excuse me visiting her taking care

of her

And so that made a heck of a difference but

most people go it alone

I think today it's very important for people to know

you don't even have to go it alone because there

are so many support groups that you could join that

give you support along the way and there's a wonderful

website called Recognize Alzheimer's agitation.com that is chock full of

information that's very helpful to anyone who wants to do

a better job loving the person they're caring for

What would be your biggest piece of advice to others

who may have been like yourself juggling a very busy

professional career and also have this going on at home

as well What would be your biggest piece of advice

to them Uh I wish I could give you better

advice but I would just say going into it you

have to expect the longevity of the illness and not

really have any reason to hope and be OK with

that

I'm really an optimistic person

I look I could run a mile if I see

a little ray of sunshine

But I couldn't find that sunshine in anything

The part that made a difference in those last 6

years when I was with my mother and also made

the difference to my siblings was we got to live

in her world

The minute we stopped correcting her and saying Mom there

is no snake on your bed

Mom daddy died 7 years ago

Mom I just told you that the minute

Stop that because it takes a lot of patience and

instead we agreed with everything

We jumped over into her world in every way we

could

We started enjoying the time and the little she had

to give in the time that she was with us

I think that's a very important realization for people living

with someone with Alzheimer's to never expect them to come

into your space again

They never will

They're not able to and they have feelings you know

if you criticize someone with dementia Uh they feel badly

they feel ashamed they still have emotions and so to

care for their emotions the best thing to do is

to care for the way they see life which is

kind of crazy at times but to agree with them

and play along with the way they're seeing life

The last question I have for you Barbara this morning

is just what support do you think we as a

society and as a country can give to other caregivers

to make them feel heard and to your point that

they are not going through this alone

I don't think the government does all that much to

support them but I know in uh there's a grassroots

movement very much under way where people give caregivers relief

go out to the hairdresser go for a walk like

a babysitting service

It's now recognized as an illness that they need relief

from

So I believe there's a subtle change happening and giving

people more support but I don't think you could look

to the government for doing that

I think it's uh individual act of kindness