One last hurrah of the summer for my kids – a trip to a lake complete with the rental of non-motorized watercraft. For your edification and enjoyment, I offer Go Ask Dad’s Rules of Paddle Boarding.
- Always wear your life jacket. Safety first! And the ticket that Dad would get if you were caught taking it off is not for a baseball game.
- Mount the paddle board on your knees, then slowly stand when you feel steady. Do not take a running leap onto the board. I don’t care what you saw MrBeast do.
- To go straight through the water, alternate paddling on either side of the board. To turn, paddle on the opposite side from where you want to go.
- Keep calm and paddle on.
- That is a stick in the water, not a snake.
- Do not hit your brother or your sister with the paddle.
- When the waves come from passing boats, keep calm and paddle on.
- Do not hit your dad with the paddle.
- When I said wear your life jacket, I did not mean around your legs so that you could joke that you have on a diaper. (Although this is very funny.)
- Get off your paddle board to pee in the water. Just don’t give me the play-by-play.
- That is another stick and not a snake.
- As far as you go out, you will have to paddle back. I’m here to help, but I want you to try on your own. You can do this!
- You can always sit down and take a break. Feel the sun on your face. Breathe the lake air and the smell of gasoline from the motorboats. Isn’t this fun? We are safe and having a good time, and – wait a lake-loving minute –that “stick” really is a snake!
- Keep calm and paddle on!
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Andrew Taylor-Troutman is the author of Little Big Moments, a collection of mini-essays about parenting, and Tigers, Mice & Strawberries: Poems. Both titles are available most anywhere books are sold online. Taylor-Troutman lives in Chapel Hill where he serves as pastor of Chapel in the Pines Presbyterian Church and occasionally stumbles upon the wondrous while in search of his next cup of coffee.