Perhaps the greatest luxury for parents is time away from their beloved children. Not to say we don’t enjoy being with them, but a break if you can get it, is not only highly desirable, but much needed.
Due to the generosity of our parents, my husband and I were blessed with the opportunity to take a much needed vacation this summer sans children. Maybe the fortune of having grandparents who don’t live nearby is that they have time to miss your children, and therefore are more agreeable to spending an extended amount of time with them. We are well aware that not everyone is so fortunate to have the childcare to allow this sort of opportunity. If you are privileged enough to have access to willing caregivers, I encourage you not to let the anxiety of being separated from your small children prevent you from taking advantage of the opportunity for some time away, even if it’s just a short weekend.
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We have left our older daughter in the care of her grandparents several times before, but for our younger son this was new territory. The longest we had been away from him was a short overnight when he was far too young to remember. I was very anxious. How would he do without us? Even though we trusted our parents with our children without reservations, I was nervous not only about how our son would handle the separation, but also how I would.
I knew I was in good company with this hesitation. I have friends with family members who have offered to take their children for a week of “grandma camp,” who have expressed considerable reservations. Obviously entrusting your children with someone else, no matter who that may be, is a cause for unease. However, there are many advantages to biting the bullet and going for it.
First of all, parents need a break. I don’t need to explain why, but obviously, parenthood is a 24 hour seven day a week job with no breaks. As such, the danger of burnout is ever present. Even a short time away from the constant demands, can refresh you enough to bring you back to your children a better parent.
Secondly, exposing your young child to another trusted caregiver can help build their independence and comfort in being left with other adults in daycare, preschool, or even with a babysitter.
There are a few strategies we employed while we were away that may help alleviate your apprehension, and help your child feel your love from afar.
Make a detailed schedule
We knew that our routine oriented children would benefit from the predictability of their regularly scheduled programming without us there. I made a detailed schedule for all involved so that we could try to keep the kids on their regular schedules, from appointments and extracurriculars to nap times and bedtimes, regardless of who they were with.
Help your children visualize how long you will be gone
Telling your child you will be gone for a week, can be hard for them to grasp. Helping your child to visualize how long you will be gone is a more helpful strategy. You might do this on a calendar with the dates highlighted that you will be gone, and allow your child to mark off each day on the calendar as it passes.
An alternative to that which we have used a few times with our daughter, is a paper chain with rings for each day that we will be gone. Each day a ring is removed from the chain helping your child to visualize how much longer you will be away. I like to write little notes on the inside of each paper ring about what I know they will be doing that day, or how much we miss them. Even without a paper chain, leaving your child notes around the house can help remind them they are missed and loved. Hide the notes in random places you know they will find them throughout the time you’re gone. If your child is leaving home, be it for sleepaway camp or “grandma camp,” hiding notes in their luggage, clothes, and shoes can provide a lovely hug from afar.
Bring one of their toys with you
A friend recommended that we bring one of our child’s toys with us on our trip and text pictures of them wherever we go. I toted around one of our daughter’s small Paw Patrol figures in my purse all week and took pictures of her everywhere from the airport, to restaurants, to Stonehenge. Yes, we went quite far! We texted the pictures of Sky, sometimes with us in the frame, sometimes without, to the grandparents to share with our daughter. She enjoyed seeing where her toy, and by extension her parents, were; and it was a great reminder that we were thinking of her.
Help them hear your voice
Back at Christmas our kids received a Storypod, essentially a speaker that plays music or stories recorded on the small stuffed animal or token which your child sets on the device. We knew this would be invaluable for future trips, as you can purchase blank tokens to record your voice for your children to play whenever they are feeling a little anxious. I recorded myself reading a bedtime story, singing a song, and a personalized message on a token for each of our children.
I thought that this would be super comforting for my kids to have when they missed me and wanted to hear my voice. For my daughter at least, it had the opposite of the intended effect. Her Miimi played the recording for her before bed one night and she had a meltdown. They not only didn’t finish listening to it, they opted not to play it for my son at all, for fear that he would have a similar reaction. This isn’t to say that these recordings wouldn’t work great for other kids. Just be aware that it might backfire.
In a similar fashion, my friends have had mixed results with the efficacy of video calls with their kids while they have been away. Several reported that their kids were doing totally fine, until they saw and talked to them on a video chat. While others reported that their kids did fine with it. We opted to go the video call route and didn’t have any reported issues with our kids after the calls. I feel like it did me well to see that they were holding up just fine without us.
Leave your scent behind
We didn’t do it this go-around, but another option is to sleep in a t-shirt for a night or so before you leave, and then leave it with your young child to sleep with while you are gone. Having your scent with them, especially at bedtime when you may be missed the most, can be very comforting.
I know it’s anxiety producing to be separated for both kids and parents alike, but if the opportunity presents itself, I highly recommend that you seize upon it. We reveled in our much needed break, the kids basked in the undivided attention of their grandparents, and the grandparents, well, they lived to tell the tale. Fortunately for them, they were able to retreat back to the homes from whence they came until their next visit.