There are numerous types of bags out there.
Men have utility bags, briefcases, tackle bags, military bags, backpacks and more. For women, this list keeps growing with purses, baby bags, belt bags, tote bags, etc.
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Each of these bags carries a different set of tools from baby bottles to fish bait.
What bag we choose to carry with us is dependent on the occasion. Our bags hold vital items that we sense we need throughout the day.
The differing methods of parenting can be just like bags.
Each method carries with it unique tools and resources but what method we pick is dependent on the child, their age, and the situation. What method has worked for one child might not be effective for another — or even the same child at a different age!
We all have unique parenting styles, but each style has the same end goal: to raise kids well.
Approaching the different methods
As parents, we face many challenges from raising babies to toddlers to teens. How do we approach all these situations confronting us?
It starts first with listening and observing. Especially when kids become adolescents, we need to notice what methods best match their personalities and needs.
For instance, my husband adapted his parenting style to best suit our daughter and our son.
My husband and I were young when we cared for our daughter. At that time, we allowed her to roam more freely in the neighborhood, malls, parks, etc. Though we would always be close by, we gave her space.
However, when our son was born many years later, my husband picked a different approach. My son expressed a desire to be close and know where dad was at all times. So, my husband changed his methods to match this.
While I didn’t fully agree with my husband’s methods all the time, I knew he was choosing what style he thought best. We learned to parent as a team despite our differences of opinion.
Numerous tools to choose and learn
There can be numerous tools for parenting just like the numerous items in bags. Parents have diverse ways of feeding, encouraging, teaching, and disciplining children.
Many of these methods revolve around the words we say to kids.
Did you know that words impact children before they are even born? Studies show that babies recognize their mother's voice almost immediately because it's the main sound they hear in the womb.
Words are containers for so much meaning. Words carry the power to coach, strengthen, bring peace, and cause delight. If we hear particular words often enough, we begin to believe that we are what they say.
What have you been saying to your teen lately? Has it been positive or derogatory?
Another method has a similar impact as words: physical acts of affection.
Physical acts of affection express feelings and emotions. Even babies learn about the world through touch. When you cuddle or kiss a baby, the baby learns that he is safe, secure, and loved.
Research shows that a hug can give a sense of safety and trust while creating an opportunity to engage in open and honest communication. Hugs also instantly boost oxytocin levels resulting in happiness and lower levels of stress.
For youth, these affectionate acts can lessen anxiety and boost self-esteem.
Don’t forget to listen well
While what and how we express ourselves to kids is a vital method to understand, parents need to remember to listen well.
Differing approaches to listening can be instrumental in how well deep conversations are navigated with your teens. As a life coach, I recommend parents try out reflective listening.
In reflective listening, parents should first respond to their teens by summarizing what the teen said. They should then clarify any confusing points and follow up with open-ended questions.
Reflective listening is not about agreeing or understanding, it is solely about listening. It gives teens a chance to feel secure and safe to share about anything. Teens might even give insight into how the different methods of parenting are working.
As parents, there are so many methods to choose from — we have access to an array of bags to help us raise adolescents.
Our parenting journey never ends, from infancy to adolescence to adulthood, parenting evolves with new milestones and life stages. Though parenting your child requires much time and effort, it is so rewarding at the end of the day.
Gale McKoy Wilkins is a wife, mom, grandparent and family life coach. She is the founder of Project Arrow, an evidence-based peer-to-peer and leadership program teaching middle, high school and first-year college students how to deal with trauma and crisis using life coaching. It's the first life coaching organization in the state to receive funding from the Department of Public Instruction and the first to implement life coaching in a school setting.