good enough parentings

Good Enough Parenting

From Instagram to shopping at Target, parents are inundated with unsolicited (and often
contradictory) advice: have you tried the Ferber Method? You should. Are you still doing time-
out? Oh, that’s bad. You let them watch YouTube?!
One of the most difficult parts of being a parent is that no instructions are included. And even
once you kind of figure things out with one child, another one comes along and rips that
knowledge to shreds.
I have three children, a humbling experience, to say the least, but there is one thing I do know
about parenting: there is no perfect way for us to parent our kids. There is only “good enough”
parenting. This concept of “good enough” parenting was an epiphone for me that came via a
parenting class I took in 2019, before the pandemic, called Circle of Security of Parenting. It
turned out to be one of the best things I could have done before entering into one of the most
challenging and isolating times I’ve faced as a parent.
I find most parenting books, podcasts, and Instagram influencers are full of unrealistic advice
and also full of themselves. Any expert who thinks they know all the parenting answers is
suspect in my book. I haven’t found anyone who can tell me what my children need more than
my own children can. And the only parenting class I’ve found that centers this same child-led
approach is Circle of Security Parenting (COSP).
Instead of advice giving or teaching a one-size-fits-all approach to parenting, Circle of Security
Parenting, based on decades of research, focuses on learning how to follow your child’s needs,
to connect with your child, to repair the relationship when needed, and to both protect your child
and encourage their exploration, to both hold boundaries with our children and delight in them.
More than anything, COSP gives parents and caregivers a dedicated hour each week (usually
for about 10 weeks) to reflect on parenting.
SAFEchild, a Wake county non-profit, offers COSP classes free of charge to Wake county
residents. One of their class participants described their experience of taking the class as
“During this group, using the tools I learned, my house became calm…We now have a house of
connection!”
As parents, we make mistakes often. The class provides a space to talk about these mistakes
with other parents, and focus on the growth that comes along with trying our best and also
stumbling along as parents. Sharing, reflecting, and being with fellow parents of young(ish)
children is a powerful antidote to the Pinterest-birthday-party-Instagram images that so many of
us feel judged by.
The COSP framework gives parents and caregivers the tools to:

● Interpret emotional needs
● Help their child organize their feelings
● Build their child’s self confidence
● Focus on connection and security for their child

Parents, and children, need connection. We cannot do this alone, and Circle of Security
Parenting gives parents a community and foundational knowledge to build upon.