The holidays can be a busy, hectic season for many families.
I always feel immense pressure to make the holidays memorable for my daughter. Somewhere along the way ‘memorable’ morphed into a jam-packed calendar. As soon as the ghosts and goblins of Halloween are packed away, I find myself seeking out the most exciting gifts to put under the tree and trying to squeeze in as many festive holiday events as I can, much to my partner’s dismay.
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As I sit and think about what I remember from the holidays as a child, it wasn’t any of the big extravagant gifts I received under the tree, although those did make for some great photo ops. It also wasn’t any of the fanciful holiday themed events my family attended.
What I remember most are the cousins running around the house as the adults prepared dinner in the kitchen, the delicious smells wafting through the house. I have fond memories of baking Christmas cookies with my mom using my grandmother’s top secret recipe, which I now realize came straight out of Betty Crocker’s cookbook, and debating which ornaments deserved a spot of distinction on the tree as Mariah Carey belted the lyrics to “All I Want for Christmas” from the living room stereo.
The magic of the holidays was in the simple things. It was the excitement I felt when we began decorating the house and the pure joy of seeing those lights twinkling on the tree each morning when I woke up. It was the joy on my mom’s face as she watched my eyes light up in anticipation on Christmas morning.
This holiday season I plan to take a page from my parents’ generation and make lasting memories with my family by embracing the simple things.
Similar to the “research” I conducted for my summer bucket list, I asked our community of moms in HER Circle what some of their best holiday memories were. As they shared their beloved memories of Christmas and Chanukah with me, I noticed some recurring themes among their answers, most notably special family recipes, treasured heirlooms, and time-honored traditions that made the holiday season memorable.
Nobody mentioned elaborate trips or festivals, attending multiple ticketed shows and parades, or seeing Santa and holiday lights from a train, bus, trolley and car every weekend of December.
Without fail, it was the simple things that were remembered most fondly.
The Food
Many of the moms remembered a specific food, dish, or meal-related tradition they’ve come to associate with the holidays. One mom remembered that her parents would each cook a turkey. Her mom made hers in the oven and her dad made his on the grill. It was a huge rivalry and the whole family had to vote on their favorite turkey each year.
Another mom noted she had “orange frappe” for breakfast every Christmas morning. “It was just a scoop of vanilla ice cream in orange juice, but I still do it now for the nostalgia.”
In my own family, we would have mishlanka every Christmas morning, which was a Polish version of SOS, replacing the ground beef with Polish kielbasa. I much preferred SOS as a child, but to this day it still doesn’t feel like Christmas morning to me if I don’t make a big batch of mishlanka for breakfast.
My Jewish friends shared fond memories of sharing sufganiyot and latkes with family to celebrate Chanukah. One mom shared how special it was for everyone to take a turn shredding the potatoes for the latkes as they prepared the holiday meal together.
Family traditions
Picking a Christmas tree was mentioned by many moms as a beloved family tradition. “I used to go with my whole family to cut down a Christmas tree. We would take turns going under the tree with my dad & his hand held saw. My dad would yell “timber crash” as it fell to the ground.”
Opening pajamas on Christmas Eve was another memory mentioned by several moms. One mom remembered how much her grandmother loved giving all the grandchildren stocking gifts. Each year they had a stocking party at her grandmother’s house and all the grandkids would come over for pizza, cookies and stockings. “We’d open each present one by one and she’d enjoy telling a story about each gift. She said she shopped for stocking presents all year long. Even when she moved to a nursing home, my mom still made sure we could have a stocking party at Mimi’s!”
Several moms, myself included, remember getting an orange in their stocking, which actually has a very cool history to it.
Similarly, the lighting of the menorah and playing dreidel until all the gelt was devoured were beloved memories mentioned by several Jewish friends. “We would have a big family party. Everyone would crowd in the kitchen to make latkes and stink up the whole house. We would light candles, open presents, eat “sufganiyot” - jelly donuts, and play dreidel until we’d eaten all the gelt (chocolate coins). We absolutely still do all of this now and my children think it’s pure magic.”
Family heirlooms
Special items handed down from generation to generation were another fond holiday memory brought up by many. Several moms mentioned special ornaments, tree toppers, a menorah, or other special piece of decor that had been passed down over the years and now had a special place within their own home.
I have had several cherished holiday heirlooms passed down to me over the years that have become very sentimental to me, particularly after my grandmother’s passing. I wear my grandmother’s Christmas apron each year when we make Christmas cookies. Her special Christmas dishes come out each Christmas and bring tears to my eyes as I unpack them. I also have the tattered and much-loved copy of Night Before Christmas that belonged to my mother when she was a little girl. The spine is held together with packing tape and the pages are yellow and brittle, but it is placed prominently on our fireplace mantle every year and we read it to my daughter each Christmas Eve.
Simple activities
Above all, it was the simple activities that were remembered most fondly: Playing charades with family, watching football on tv, playing flag football with friends, running around the house with cousins, playing dreidel, making gingerbread houses, driving around the neighborhood to look at lights, lighting the menorah, making a special meal together, baking and decorating sugar cookies, putting up ornaments on the tree, the ceremonial placing of a cookie and carrot on a special plate and writing a thank you letter to Santa on Christmas Eve.
None of the ‘fond memories’ shared were elaborate Pinterest projects, cost a ton of money, or required extensive planning on the part of the parents.
In honor of a simple holiday season, and based on my very non-academic research study of “what we remember most fondly from the holidays as children,” I have decided to let these nostalgic memories steer my family’s holiday plans this year.
My Nostalgic 2022 Holiday Bucket List
My most treasured holiday memories aren’t of extravagant events that required tickets purchased months in advance. They were simple things my mom did for me year after year. They were the things she showed joy in sharing with me. It was her enthusiasm that made decorating those sugar cookies so special, and getting to lick the spoon of course.
I plan to embrace all the simple activities this holiday season and acknowledge that they are more than enough to give my daughter all the special memories she so deserves. This season you will definitely catch me and my family enjoying time together around the tree, appreciating delicious meals together, and delighting in one another’s company.
Regardless of what you have on the agenda this holiday season, make sure you take some pressure off yourself to enjoy some quality family time. One day it will likely be your children’s fondest holiday memories.
What are your most treasured childhood holiday memories?
Crissy Fishbane is the co-founder of HER Health Collective, a supportive community and resource hub for moms. She is a certified therapeutic exercise specialist, personal trainer, wellness coach, and former high-school psychology teacher. Crissy believes in a holistic approach to women’s health and is a strong advocate of improved screening and treatment of perinatal mood disorders. She is passionate about building a supportive community for moms where they can make genuine connections and build authentic relationships. Crissy is a regular Go Ask Mom contributor.