Dear Booksie is a collaboration between two Quail Ridge Books booksellers who love reading advice columns and have lived long enough to think we can tell other people what to do. Send your muddles, messes and troubles to us at DearBooksie@quailridgebooks.com. We may not solve your issues, but we'll have fun trying.

Dear Booksie,
Please help! My little boy has been swallowed by our couch! All through the pandemic winter, he has been addicted to his screens. Once we drag him outside (under threat of death), he actually seems to enjoy himself. What are some fun and easy activities that we can do outside together? I think he might try gardening but I don't know how to start, and I don't want to spend a lot of money.

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Many thanks,
J. Owens

     

Dear J.,

Thank you for this question - you are not alone! And neither is your child. Pandemic or not, too many of us, regardless of age, have become addicted to our screens. Booksie herself recently kicked a bad online game habit (yes, Wordle, crosswords, and the New York Times Spelling Bee can be as addictive as Minecraft). The great thing is that you are addressing this early when you can still make a big difference in your child’s life.

Being outdoors offers more than pleasure and fun, though that would be enough. Remember The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett (if not, buy or borrow it immediately to read aloud to your child!)? A house-bound boy’s life is literally saved by the healing powers of nature.

Booksie remembers her parents forcing the kids outside to rake leaves and, what a surprise, having a great time together in the crisp fall air, working and playing toward a common goal, a memory that still brings her pleasure. Does anyone have a fond family memory of time spent online? I don’t think so.

Worried about the battles with your child when you attempt to limit screen time? You’re the parent and you need to be willing to take the heat and make good decisions. For some extra help, I recommend a classic in child communication: How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. I found it invaluable when our kids were young and, happily, it’s been updated for modern times.

Some immediate ideas: Have your child earn screen time by doing chores. Each chore, completed well, earns 15 minutes screen time. Your boy learns to contribute to the family, your house or yard is cleaner, and he has a path to earning his pleasure. Second, choose one day a week as a screen-free day for the whole family. It can be amazingly liberating and will show your son that you can walk the talk.

Gardening, yes! Why not try volunteering at a local community garden first? There are several in Raleigh and you can learn some techniques, connect to others — connections are what many kids really crave — and find out, without investing any money, if gardening is for you. Other fun, low-cost outdoor activities, depending on your child’s age: blowing bubbles, hula-hooping, playing catch, walking or hiking, biking, identifying bugs, birds or mushrooms, making and flying a kite. There are local organizations, like the Triangle Land Conservancy, that offer free family nature outings. Or, for lots of good ideas for kids and families, consult Richard Louv's Vitamin N: The Essential Guide to a Nature-Rich Life. It’s amazing how much more time you have for these when you put your phone away for the day.

"I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees.” – Henry David Thoreau

Now go outside and play!

Booksie