As if parenting isn't hard enough, looking back and wondering what we could have done differently is a futile process. How often have you wondered…should of, would of, could of? Newsflash…we cannot change the past and I am going to tell you why we shouldn’t change a thing.
Parenting is an age-old rite of passage. When we become a mom (or dad), we are instantly bombarded with advice from a thousand parents near and far. We hear it all - what to do, how to do it, and most of all, what not to do.
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Everyone is suddenly an expert, and points of view are plenty. All this adds another layer of pressure that a new mom can do without. Then the doubt sets it,
“Am I doing this right because she said it was this way, but he said the complete opposite? Then I read that article that said they were both wrong!”
With every decision, we begin to weigh our options and research everything until we’re dizzy. We finally make up our minds and then spend the foreseeable future wondering if it was the right choice. Let’s face it, the stakes are high because it’s not just about screwing up our life, there is another human involved this time. Oh, the pressure!
My kids are 21 and 13 now so, there were a lot of choices made over the years. I could easily drive myself insane rehashing decisions small and large but then I had a realization that was a game-changer.
Could I have done things differently? Yes.
Should I have done things differently? No.
Last I checked, being a mom is about the child AND the parent and we are growing together. Yes, both of us!
Although all eyes are on the baby and their every milestone is celebrated, we are BOTH taking firsts along the way. I don’t know a single person who didn’t learn something or grow emotionally from the process. It is inevitable and it is part of life.
Should I have been more compassionate or listened more?
Should I have chosen a different school or pushed them harder?
Should I have worked less or worked more?
Should I have asked more questions or been more lenient?
Should I have reeled them in or let them go to school in that crazy outfit?
Should I have said “yes” or “no”?
I’ll never know the answer to any of it and it really doesn’t matter now. What I do know is that I am not the same person I was before my kids, and I wouldn’t change a thing. Regardless of good or bad decisions, I am better for it because my kids have been the greatest teachers I have ever had.
I truly believe that we are here to learn and if parenting isn’t the hardest and most rewarding school out there, I don’t know what is. So stop wondering what could have been different and revel in all your kids and you have learned through the process.
"There’s no way to be a perfect motherand a million ways to be a good one." - Jill Churchill
Comment below and let me know the most important thing you have learned as a parent.
Joelene Wolfe is a mom, actor, writer & marketer who recently moved to the Triangle from the NY/NJ area. She strives to live every day to the fullest and really enjoys helping others do the same. For the record, she never gets tired of being serenaded with the song, Jolene. You can follow Joelene on Instagram @joeyinthetriangle