Ladies…we cannot survive motherhood alone. If this past year has taught us anything, it’s that we need kindness and friends we can count on. I’ve thankfully found that with my beloved Mom Squad.

Here is why every mom needs a squad:

1. It takes a village. Make that two villages.

We all know the phrase “it takes a village.” But when we use that phrase, people usually think of grandparents, extended family, teachers, church leaders and coaches who can all offer guidance, wisdom and positive influences for our kids.

That’s great for the kids! It’s great for parents. But that is your child’s village. Not yours.

Mom’s need their own village. Moms need a squad of fellow moms that yes, care about your kids, but they are there to care most about YOU as a mother, a woman, a friend.

2. Strangers on the internet are not your friends

It may seem obvious since they are in fact strangers, but those moms in your local mom Facebook group don’t know you. They may be very well-meaning, but sometimes you just can’t ask a question to a group of hundreds or thousands of other moms and expect it to be taken the right way. These groups can offer great recommendations on local places to shop, eat and play, but some groups can be a dangerous place of strong opinions and fierce judgment. Post wisely.

3. You need a safe space to share outside of your family

Ideally, you can talk to your partner about work, the kids, stresses and joy. Even if you have great communication, you still need another outlet.

If your Mom Squad is as great as mine, you can share anything honestly and be vulnerable as you talk about your life and kids without fear of judgment. You can share the highs and lows, wins and fails, and the thoughts you think no other mom could possibly be saying to herself as well. (surprise…most of us probably are!)

You can even send out a text asking if anybody wants a free kid for a few days when you are at your wits end. And you may get a response that says “I’ve got a van full of wine, meet at the corner in ten minutes and we’ll all escape together.”

4. They laugh with you. They cry with you.

When one of our mom’s suffered a big loss last year in the winter, we rallied immediately. It was like sending out a bat signal. We all brought chairs and drinks and sat in a (socially distanced) circle in the middle of the court at the end of the cold workday. We reminded her that she wasn’t in the battle alone.

The best part of course is the jokes. There are many evenings our husbands hear us laughing uncontrollably at a text chain that started out with a simple thought and somehow devolved into a series of gifs, memes, or silly jokes that have us in the best kind of tears.

5. Finally, they bring you toilet paper

I marvel at walking into the grocery store now and seeing a full aisle of toilet paper. Toilet paper y’all! Remember that spring of 2020 when the world almost ended and people were hoarding toilet paper!?!

That may even be how our group’s daily texting started…sharing coveted information about who saw toilet paper in what store, when, and how much. I remember stressing out because we were down to our last two rolls. One of the ladies dropped off a few spare rolls on our porch that afternoon! Sharing a spare…the sign of true friendship.

It’s not always easy to make friends. But when you do find your village, here are two simple rules to make it a long-lasting success.

1. Don’t gossip. We just don’t do it. If we do talk about another friend or family it’s to ask for prayers or share if something has happened and see how we can offer support.

2. No judgment.Ever. We all get along naturally, but we still may have different philosophies and opinions about life and parenting. We share and we listen openly and respectfully.

As one of my friends said this morning which sums it up perfectly, “Social media is the highlight reel. Your Mom Squad is where you share the outtakes.”

Go find your squad, moms!

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Tara Lynn used to be a full-time WRAL reporter. She left a few years ago to grow her photography business, but she still pops up on our TVs sometimes filling in as an anchor on WRAL. Go can find her posts on Go Ask Mom every Tuesday.