So, I have friends in three categories—empty nesters, almost empty nesters, and not even close to being empty nesters.
It’s an interesting dynamic navigating the different scenarios. The empty nesters are free, flexible and ready to go. They can make last minute plans without worrying about cooking dinner for anyone or picking anyone up from a sports practice or dance rehearsal. For this reason, they are the easiest people to make plans with. They are also more relaxed because they don’t have the daily responsibility of taking care of children on top of working.
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Then there are the almost empty nesters. This is the category I am in. You see the light at the end of the tunnel, but you’re not quite there yet. Sometimes, I behave like an empty nester, and say things like—Dad and I are going out tonight, fend for yourself for dinner. But then the parenting heartstrings get the best of me, and I usually make dinner for her and leave it in the refrigerator.
Almost empty nesters have a lot of the same freedoms that empty nesters do because our children are independent almost-adults who drive, go to school, participate in extracurricular activities, have jobs, and socialize. Still, I like to know my daughter’s busy schedule in advance, and I try to set aside time for us to be together when it is convenient for her. I am also always on-call for all emergencies. This sometimes means changing or canceling plans.
The not even close to being empty nesters are the friends who had children a little bit later, or maybe had a few bonus kids to round out their team. They are the friends who say things like: I only have an hour and 15 minutes because I have to pick up so-and-so from a friend’s house. My husband always responds to this by saying: I remember those days. And I do remember them. Do I miss them? Not really. Parenting comes in seasons, and when the season changes you are ready for the next one.
For the foreseeable future, I will have friends in all these categories. Adult friendships, like any relationships, require patience and negotiation and an understanding that we are all in different places in our lives. Eventually, we will all be empty nesters and free to do what we want to do when we want to do it. It will be a bittersweet ending to a beautiful journey, the beginning of the next chapter which is looking pretty exciting from here…
Amanda is the mom of two, a reporter for WRAL-TV and the author of several books including some on motherhood. Find her here on Mondays.