One more day

“Our dear friend passed away today.”   

I have heard that over the last couple years more often than I would ever have expected. It is, sadly, a real part of my experience as a senior citizen.   And it does not get easier to hear. 

In those moments and for months afterward, the impact of losing someone close shocks the system with the realization that I am indeed on the other side of the curve of life expectancy. Already, three good friends from my very small high school graduating class in Eastern NC have passed away.  Of course, I still remember them as the vibrant and timeless high schoolers who competed with me in class, cheered with me at sports events. or carried out pranks that we somehow got away with, and with whom I reconnected at a number of class reunions over the years.  Just in the last few months, I have been saddened by the death of a relative, and a very dear friend, whose passing was so fast and so completely unexpected.   Each time, my world grows smaller and I struggle with facing the inevitably of what can happen at this age.

But I don’t want to sound so completely morose.   It was a blessing to know all of these good people, and I am very glad we shared time and experience together on the planet.   And the truth is that they at least lived for many years before they became ill.  Not everyone has had that opportunity.   Surprisingly, none of them died as a result of the coronavirus, so I’ll take that as a victory.

I find that many of my dreams of late have included memories of those who have died. I have also communicated with other friends who knew them, and with whom I had not been in touch on a regular basis.   It does provide a bond that calls for shared grief and shared joys as we recall the “good ol’ days” with each other.

It may sound trite, but I am working hard at cherishing each day in even small ways. Enjoying a bike ride on a sunny day, reading an especially good book, watching a show that transports my imagination, and always, laughter with others.  I am acutely aware of my limitations as I grow older.   But when I look in the mirror, I see the same person that I always was, with my hopes and dreams, my flaws and quirks, and one who is fortunate enough to call so many as “friend.”   While I always pray for one more day, I will never forget those who have gone before.